Poetic Riddler

Remember Me?

2009-11-29T00:14:00.002-06:00

There was a time when you couldn't stop me from sinning

Despite it being blunt wraps or curvy women

There would always be sweet air around me, or crushed linens under me

Where she pinned me down so luckily

Little did she know when she'd leave she'd think of me

And I would think of how we could never be

How I would want us, but those types of women among us

Never had the strength to stay around past one month

Which has in turn scarred my feelings about relationships

In such ways, I feel the need to behave and refrain from them

Because, if I play love like a game when she's in love

All I hear are outcries detailing the monster I've become

And that's hard to stomach, especially when you may feel you love them

But can't carry on without them knowing they're flawed

And...

Hold Up

2009-11-20T17:39:00.003-06:00

I don't remember her looking like how she does now when I first met her

Then again, I could've had better

Been through ethnics like I had no ethics

Some would call her the best bitch they ever had, to me she wasn't worthy of my last letters

Her eyes were the sun setters... always felt it would be better a couple years ahead

I would have the time to focus, and she would turn hopeless

Get out of bed, and get to me before it got to this

Because every time I write about her, I feel like I'm losing

2009-11-09T20:00:00.003-06:00

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Self Law

2009-10-28T22:31:00.002-05:00

There are laws that govern; sometimes bitches become stubborn

Like they need more than a friend or lover

When I clearly state, I don't want or need a woman right now

In turn they and flip, try to sink ships and retaliate

As of late, there have been three

With my exes around bumping classical music a la Jealous Ones Still Envy

Try tried to rob and frisk me, hoping I'd lie

So they could wish death on me in the forms of no virgins when I meet with Allah

That was kind of heart hurting, but I still found pretty women to flirt with

I was only fucking them, I swear I wouldn't come home with the herp'

I know they deserved better, but round one the first girl jabbed

Needed a man to change for her if he didn't have cash

Or if he lived far away, to pick up the calls she couldn't cash

But still dialed collect and tried to collect on him stash

So she left, and round two came like the desert rains

Well deserved, but the brought too much baggage to be a claim

Like, we were never one in the same, opposite ends

Employed but she wasn't, although she wanted to be pushing a Benz

Needed my time until we would hit the end, I suppose my rope was shorter

Because I deaded that ho, soon as the knot was tied

Round three, the bitch thought I lied

She was gone for a year on her own terms, acting like I don't try

Self centered and proud of it, 21 and no kids when the statistics doubted it

But she gets drunk or high and fucks whoever she likes

Then she wonders why I don't need a woman of her type

A ho with a distinct dislike for hoes of her type

So I stave away...

Reclaim

2009-10-25T22:08:00.002-05:00

I lost my mind and haven't been able to reclaim it

Or find it, remembering lines from when my brain split

Headaches and heartbreaks

Ripping apart what some say to show them their words appear fake

Seen through or seen too soon

Making silly remarks to scare off the people with whom I used to be cool

Seeing no one as my equal, so they say I changed up

But aren't those just our standards that changed us?

If two Jews and a mixed guy that looks Black walk into a bar

The women leave with them, and I'm driving home drunk at high speeds again

In truth, I couldn'tve taken them too far

But they still retaliate, saying I need to get some pussy without a leash some make

Like bitches have ever crossed my warning tape

They clearly see the wingman within me, maybe see that I'm seldom forgiving

Drinking some sort of chilled alcoholic beverage just to avoid the hate

Hoping I have blunts rolled for when I don't know my escapes

Wanting what I can't have, and having what I don't want

Just feels like they're in the way, ignored phone calls and dropped text messages

I can't have any respect for them

Because when it's given up too quick, the difficulty feels reset on the bitch

And that's been seven years running relived

When nothing new comes to the forefront, fruition seems like a light far off

So I play the background, headaches and heartbreaks in my hand

Letting my liver be the one to soak it all in

Intermittent

2009-10-07T11:48:00.002-05:00

Young and dumb, love in winter though we were sprung

Looking back to reflect on what we've both become

Part forgotten, the other part hoping we never stopped when

I heard you were not one of my options

That's cool, I saw the ship sail... I see why you got me to inhale

The very thought of you leaving would put me in Hell

Get high and leave it, fall to the ground without being facetious

Taking our relationship two notches down but trying to redeem it

Better off alone from the start and never meeting

Better off taking shots in the dark than ever seeing

Better off hearing the lies than ever knowing the secrets

Better off shrugging it than it being something I believed in

Whispering to me, "Can you feel it?"... only to back off

And lack more lust when I had no one to be right back for

The problem here being you backed off, and I stayed

Standing in the same position when I should be walking away

2009-09-14T04:30:00.005-05:00

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2009-09-14T04:30:00.003-05:00

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Girls Say. . .

2009-08-31T16:05:00.002-05:00

About three years ago I knew a woman that prepared to show

Me almost everything I needed and more, no need to explore

Like, we would dream of being more while relaxing on the sea's shores

And be, like I was common sense and she was my personal entity

Laugh and joke, found it funny to mimic me

But didn't like when my ex-girlfriends and I still had some chemistry

Her jealousy rose, and I closed doors off because women can't be a friend to me

Without thinking I would try to peel off their skinny jeans

I still smirk at the thought of them, because I'm still in lust with them mentally

But only when we're on the phone, so they can't tempt me so easily

Not anymore, I hear rappings at my chamber's door

Of a lost love ignored because she lied too much

A friend of mine inclined, I would be stupid if I'm easy to trust

Because after what she did to me, nothing would be easy for us

So I rebounded my muster, took back my promises to fuck her

Denied her until the doorbell stopped ringing, she has no need to suffer

Just know, those memories of her

Will forever be tainted because the way she disproved herself was lackluster

So all the other girls say. . .

Stupidly Trying

2009-05-24T08:40:00.002-05:00

Love, we can take it there
Even if we don't go anywhere else
But up without cares

Taking Requests

2009-02-23T22:09:00.002-06:00

I suppose I could do this, I haven't written in a couple months now
But since you're demanding, I could chalk down
Something I've been meaning to say for several months now
But that would be something I won't sound... so
Times got hard with you, and I admit it... I'm too nonchalant
Wrong time; right place when I was breaking women's hearts
See I had a problem with commitment and still do
I figured you were just another one of the bitches, so I'd regret you
Leave trails, and spark weed to get higher than the prices on the retail
You buy to fit your curves down to every detail
Slanted eyes, and curved lips, exotic skinned
Toned to the letter, real woman to the finest imprint
If I could invent... chill

What Makes You So Special ?

2009-02-11T10:39:00.002-06:00

I'm more mature, and even though it's a new year
It still feels like I've been standing still
Like I haven't gone anywhere in the past five years
That's true... but I don't like the fact the only thing changing is my hair
I've seen death & death, tried to spy my daughter's breath
But she's gone, I only get high to see her first steps
Like my first steps to sobriety are always fifty-five percent
Until I think, and realize that's the only way me & her can spend time
I swear sometimes I'm on the baseline
And niggas won't pass anything my way because of the stuff that they'd find
New bitches, new denims, newly old cars at crunch time
But forget about me when I'm the only one that can help their minds
Aren't I different?, or just another in the longest river ?
Am I cool?, or just another depicting myself as a beginner ?
Like I never tried to be in the forefront
Just walking old paths, too forgetful to forge a new one

Mistaken Identity

2009-01-01T17:46:00.002-06:00

Shorty said I'm a genie in disguise
She's been had a drought of good men, acting like I'm good with them
I can't do anything right with the bitches
Steady pleading to me, all she's doing is WELL wishing
Which is cool, but I could get her tap water
I have a feeling she just wants a man that doesn't act hard or
Already is a father, God damnit I'm both
But I'm not one to spring leaks like I wanna bust down her throat, god
Feeling winter's full effect but I still don't want
What everyone else has, that's an equation for broke hearts
Pulling out my trump cards
Like my accent wasn't enough to show her I don't fall in love with dope broads
Sure I smoke, Chong
But I don't do anything relatively close to what would require a nose job
By that time everything could go wrong
And the last thing I need is a pair of handcuffs on my way home
I've stayed grown, no recessions
My crew stays blown like they're living in Chicago
I've never looked up to my predecessors, looking back at how I'd roam
"Never caught fucking women my best friend had sights on"
At least that's what he'd say to me
We still chill out occasionally, his family still favors me
His sister wants a wedding ring
Good luck with that, I'm no good for you; I bet that stings
In truth, I just want to breeze through
Stop for my people every now and then because I see them as my equals
Get things set in stone for my sequel
And make sure I'm living alone, no woman comes without D'Evils
Shawn taught me that one
And in time I found out every woman wants your money or a back rub
That's money and time, I figured out I had to back up
Act like my Little Brother; to know what women try to give is lack lust
I kiss Mary Jane so passionate, huh ?
I never fathomed it, she could do it well
She's sent so many other niggas to the jails
At one point niggas saw her fucking my mind in the car and wanted me to be clapped in it
Chill, it was probably an accident
It's not like anyone else hasn't mistaken my identity with infamy
i.e. every woman that's been into me
And every nigga jealous that I laid their girlfriend down intentionally

Hah!

G.I.M.

2008-12-28T18:30:00.002-06:00

Ain't it kinda strange how people seem to turn on a dime ?
When all you ever really wanted from that person was change
I tend to, but I don't see anything but lies
And when I speak on the facts, niggas begin rebuking my name
Like I haven't been here for five years and took the city in my palms
From dirt on the neighbor's lawn to writing how I hate the man
I'm starting to think I need a change of plans right along
With everything else, the phone number has been the same for too long
I just got a call from my ex girl, I let her hit the voice mail
I told my next girl I'm gone, but she tries to make it a choice still
The girl I'm with now is here until March
Little does she know... when Spring comes she'll know how a divorce feels
That's a shame, but it can't be any other way
She's too overbearing, I dislike how she preys
I told her I was putting out the mixtape, & she said, "Fuck you Haze;
Everybody knows you'd sounds just like that nigga Drake."
So, I took a break
If niggas paid attention, they would know I haven't touched on a page
I haven't spoken on my big brother, dead daughter, or the scar on my shoulder blade
Then again, most can't relate
They just nod their heads to the beat, loving how the words rhyme
That's okay, I'm just trying to keep my thirst primed
Because when I get to the point where I can pay for the equipment that I need
God damnit nigga, the game is mine

Bi-Polarity, New Jersey

2008-11-14T21:39:00.004-06:00

I tend to keep it real nice, like I've laid with women summer nights
Just to keep my numbers right
No penetration, I let the words entice
They I get them rubbing in places while their other hand holds their numbers tight
Like this one that took sometime to love me right
Funny thing was every time change would come, she
would strip just like a hooker might
Surely there were times I felt she was the good looking type
But that was only when my eyes would close even if she would dim the lights
She was smart to an extent, never fucked somebody to pay her rent
Sike, her ex-boyfriend was the one that spent
And she came to me with some story that was missing that sentence
Thank God I eventually saw through to be acquitted
You see, she had curves like D-cups & had an ass like Selena
With skin the pigment of Puerto Rican
Chill, she was cool... knew all the right music in spurts
And was always quick to tell me what she would touch under her skirt
I thought she was just flirting, I kept her at a distance
She felt I was being suspicious
In turn I let her go her way, with no explanation
And started speaking to Alawiscious !
Started talking again, she had work to do, I had money to spend
I would single notes, and she would feel for me again
Head over heels to sin
But said I was confusing to the point she didn't want to feel for me again
Thus me having to say, "The End" .

Fight Then Make-Up !

2008-11-02T01:48:00.001-05:00

Aw damn love, you've already shattered the standard
How you pose for me like flashing cameras
Pause, sike naw ! All you ever really do is stand up
Your words are comedy whenever I try to understand us !
Or whenever you say I called you 'babe', stop joking
Those figments are so many years in the past ways, I must've not been too focused
'Cause, we already know just because I'm a doppleganger of a nigga
You want to be in throws with, I'm just N.O. !
Case closed, even though we didn't talk for a stint
Women used to play me in instances such as this
Like; we would fight then make-up despite all the break ups
But we still hold it dowwwwwwwwwwn like we're both unfortunateeeeee
Maybe this is my past speaking in volumes
Maybe I popped a couple of valiums
Maybe I'm just a problem, she can't solve
So that's why I'm still around, like I'm replacing a rot need
Probably !, lately niggas been gassing her up !
I look like I'm the only nigga passing her up !
Acting like shorty is trashy as some ! I was in their place
But why lie when I'm on her mind, I used to be in that space !
Naw, I think I'm still talking like I've got my high on
Like Prodigy after he got punched and didn't chase after Saigon
Bye gones, be by gones ! She's in tune
Sometimes I'm asking myself if my words could form a re-dooooo
Like sequel to the novel that fell off in summer '07
Har har, like I have any room in that keep to keep her deaded
There are so many in that castle, towering in towers
Screaming blasphemies down at me ! Because saving them means I'd love them
Acting like I'm a coward, chill... I have no time on my hands
No watch, no time on my hands
That shit broke when I found out hope doesn't float
And my jawn didn't have a pressure lock, damn !
So even if these niggas call her satellite
I'll be in the corner knowing she has her New York swagger right !
Drink cuffed close, with the cigarette lit slow
Money to fold, when she knows who is going down for life !

Removal: Step 7

2008-10-29T00:01:00.007-05:00

Noah is the name, I can tell you exact times and dates
When women would call, and ask me to make it rain
I'm not speaking in the same breath as Lil' Wayne
They were talking about how I could get into their brains
Make the simplest words seem estranged, with sparkling corneas
They would get so intrigued, as my sentences twisted they'd get hornier
To the point they thought I was a demon
"Only those species have silver tongues , I hear
all of them have at LEAST lived in Florida."
True, but still they would pry their legs open
Get on their backs; finger themselves with no remorse then
Hoping that if I heard how they scream my name, I would gain gradual emotions
Only to get mad when they're forgotten like I ever had forced them
They usually split themselves into portions, try and make so that I can't sleep
Acting like a dyke one minute, then hoping I would come over to eat
Serving themselves in five courses
Unnecessarily skipping to dessert knowing I'm more in tune with the first four-steps
I hate when they all get attached and I have to pry them off like forceps
Oh the horrors, "It seems to me I have an ill itch to scratch . "
But this is just a relapse, we call those withdrawals
Reminiscent times concerning what I won't fall back into tomorrow
But, women beg and borrow
Get green with envy, recite my digitals and thus try to tempt me
Get on top and bend me, force their will
When it's only really how ONE of their personalities feel
All I can do is laugh, those broads kill me
I call that category "Go & Grab", maybe you can put two and two together
They flock like birds of a feather
Only when things turn SOUTH for the worse to defrost
their cold hearts in warmer weather
I am, simply better
Than any man, they could ever understand in these & future times
With all the phrases, metaphors, personifications & revelations
In two ill structured male minds, and one sentence
I don't know how to break it to them, they wouldn't get it
Like the most recent with the NEED for my single-life, and no comprehension
Simply; I know what the next step is
And even though you've ALL been deaded , I can't
see myself trying to amend it .

Readiness: Step 6

2008-10-28T23:48:00.003-05:00

As I approach the end with a quicker pace, I can't see shit
I don't even know what I used to frequent
I said to someone close, "Bitches only love you when they're bored & slow;
But if they find different avenue they never travel on your ROADS ."
He's still waiting for ROADS, he's been waiting three years now
Back then it had a different name, some called it "The Pill House"
But my progression saw a different light, no more reason to fret or fight
No more reason to inherit strife when my mind state had filled out
Now I just write about my past addictions
The Past's women, and the times I chilled out
How I see myself in half a decade, and how I want to be found
Somewhere in the limelight of the only person I would want to be 'round
I haven't shed a tear in seven years now
But last night, I had a dream my father was something I could breathe out
He was gone, mom was nowhere in the vicinity
And I was the only one in the funeral that didn't seem like they remembered me
Until I woke up, and realized it was just an entity
Rolled over and kissed my misses , knowing
that only me and her are my worst enemies
That shit is killing me
Knowing I know myself best, but look into the mirror
not knowing who is staring right back into me

Acknowledgement: Step 5

2008-10-28T20:40:00.003-05:00

I guess the last steps were just preceding
I know I have a problem, with that being
I tend to fall head over Nike SBs whenever I find a woman
That says she can respect me, when really they fronted
And I can only tell my brain I'm sorry
Because this is the last time my heart takes over these problems
My brother says I know what comes to follow
I call it realization that bitches may say they love you that night
but will kill your pride by the end of tomorrow
That's so sorrowful, I got so illogical
That I can't help but beat myself up saying, "Look what you got with trusting!"
I've gotten a little rusty, I hate to quit relationships
But these women are so suggestive when they play this shit
They may be violinists, and may know some melodies
But they don't know how to handle a man soulful like the seventies
They begin to amaze the shit out of me
When they try to say their memories of us must be dead to me
All I can do in retort, is consort with Aaliyah
And say I need some sort of guidance not in the form of my preacher
She says to follow my heart, that seems like the wrong path
Because I don't want to march into another war path
You're such a poor lass, I hate everything you've become to me
I came to my sense SO luckily
I really feel like she used me to fuck with me
Whenever she was hot & heavy, telling me to turn up the bass and rock steady
My only regret is that I didn't see this whenever she
was cheating on her last man with me
And you niggas still side on that scene ?

Intent: Step 4

2008-10-28T00:07:00.003-05:00

They know there isn't any nigga they can find that
Ever fuckssssss with my standardddddddd
I could imagine their faces every time they got caught
Smile bitch !, you're on candid camera
I bet they're like, I still love him
Not that type of love, but I understand shit and still I love him
When they don't understand what they speak, slipping lies in their cheeks
Saying they never put anyone else above him
Please, you're sounding like Bareilles
Just trying to find the Gravity of things when your mouth flies off reckless
You can't fuck with me, you're not on the echelon
I'm on my relapse to 7 years ago shit and respond ! They get deaded
All I wanted was love and affectionnnnnnn
Not women to lie and the shit affect him
Sit here and let a woman leave me breathless
Then sleep in the night just to hear she fucked me over before breakfast
Like I was dabbling in sloppy seconds
It always happens this way, like I forget my retrospectives
It's like I'm on MTV with my exes
Seeing all those bitches type shady, wondering why they got nexteddddd
All these silly hoes that I messed with, all ethnicities
Only type left are the caucasians with no reverence
I knew with things off, I should've slept it and had them fixing me
When all I wanted was to wake up next to her and brag to all my 'bredrinnnns'

Understanding: Step 3

2008-10-27T21:58:00.002-05:00

She thinks that's the most fucked up thing I could say to hurt ?
Then how am I going to break cheating on her ?
Pause ! Sike naw, she must be blinder than Stevie Wonder
Matter of fact, I couldn't see myself flocking with birds
That's not what I prefer, but I do relinquish the fact
That if you do toss shots I throw back
Even she said herself my words sting like everything sharp
So why aim at the dude that supposedly has your heart ?
Chillllllllll, I know it's about to be winter and nights get foggy
But women these days are starting to try and revolve me
Trying to write retarded like they all have cerebral paulsy
That's so foolish, I thought you had sense more than to NOT call me
Watch the snowflakes begin falling, I'll pull my hood over my growth
So the bitches can't recognize they can't handle us BOTH
I'm so disgusted, and to think I would've been calling
To apologize for stupid shit she did, LUCKILY I came to my senses

Realization: Step 2

2008-10-26T23:05:00.003-05:00

Looking back, I don't even know how many fights we've been in
With my vocal pitch still at the calmest sentence, crazy right ?
Step 2 comes along and it becomes easier to recognize
She wasn't whom I claimed once upon a time
So I ended us with no happily ever after, just a happily nevermore
I hope that doesn't make her feel insecure
Because sure she lied to me and I couldn't trust her
But maybe she'll learn from whatever mistakes she's made with me
before she lets yet another man fuck her
I pray they use a rubber, actually
I pray he nuts in her, and they have no finances to finance it
In actuality I believe the THEY she speaks of is actually WE
Which in turn means "you all" when I'm speaking at YOU ALL
You can't exit the same category you placed your damn self in
But recognizing that is just where the second step ends
I tried to tell her side, and I tried to let it ride
But my mind was tired of the blatant signs
And my heart wasn't accepting the fact someone else settled in
Why do you think I thought the shit was hilarious ? Laughter
is the best medicine
I swear she's dense like the rest of them
Thus why she fits in with the rest of them
I suppose that's something I'm willing to move past and she can revel in

Powerless: Step 1

2008-10-26T12:54:00.001-05:00

Step one: denial; throughout my clinical trials
I found the withdrawals to be mild
Though this is the first to lie with me in a while
I find myself finding truths by clenching my Bible
It never opens, which may be the reason I haven't admitted my problem
With all the stress beginning to pile
She says she loves me, and that I have her rhythm
But I can't hear a snare, I only hear my brother's recital
If she doesn't call you know what to call the events that follow
Loving her a month ago, but leaving tomorrow
Sitting on the edge of my bed bottle neck up
Trying to figure out the differences between leaving it be or being left up
At this point I'm hard pressed to find whoever is the next up
Be it the queen or just another shuffled into that category
With the most recent being chinky, the replacement right now
Are just phrases I write down... I tend to flirt as her loose leafs me
Backstabbers are what I'm seeing, with no eyes in the back of my skull
I take control of my retrospect's awareness fleeting
I folded under pressure once, let go of my blunt
And figured I could see what she was thinking more clearly
Does anyone else out there feel me ?
Or is everyone against me ? Especially when I'm the bad guy this evening
Call me a fool but my last words to her were,
"I hope everything pans out for you in the future . Adieu ."

Halfcrazy

2008-10-26T03:11:00.002-05:00

If I tell her she should keep it consistent, she doesn't
It's a mindfuck to me, if she wanted to talk she wasn't
If you have something to say, why is there a game to be played
In courtship when it all boils down there's nothing left but overcoming
It all evaporates
And at a later date I bet you there is no will to discover
If she's telling the truth or not, even though I bet on the latter
Is it too hard to forgive something that doesn't really matter ?
Yes, and with that I'm stubborn
Because if it wasn't true, I wouldn't get reach for my lighter in suffix
Looking at the cigarettes in my hand, like chain-smoking is the plan
Just to calm myself away from my plummets
Like she never understands ! I always told her if a woman was pushing
And how I pushed right back from the lies they conceived
I know the shit was hard to believe, I had harems rushing
But she was the one who knocked me to my knees
Now days men get caught up in greed
Liyah says her ex thinks I'm trying to get her to concede
To everything under the pale moon
Because she likes how I tell the truth, never get mad to backlash my tongue
to give her flesh wounds
Living in this padded room, with no exit
Windows or doorways, when I have an open air fetish
With all women gone and no love lost
It seems I'm still alive when all the closest people to me are deaded

Big Brother pt. 2

2008-10-25T20:04:00.002-05:00

My big brother, was my mother's first son
My confidant, product of my father's cum
My younger brother's forgotten memory
A lost line of my family's history
I swear I needed you, there are times I needed two
Brothers to bounce ideas off when I feel lost
Even if I still look up to you
Despite you being down-trodden, I still look up to you
I hope you're sitting pretty relaxed and comfortable, with everything recent
I know you shake your head at what I call my demons
She was nothing more than a fling and shit
You trying to tell me that she's something I should keep up with?
Naw it can't be, if so I would regret how I acted
And I wouldn't sit here being spastic
Truth of the matter is, you say if she doesn't call
Then you know what you should call the events that follow
Keep your head tilted high like in that picture you despise
But posted up despite the lack of what you feel every night
I curse her name in spite, but I know you're not ashamed of that
You're just hoping that someday I'll find where my good intentions stashed
Is mom still searching through the past to see if I was raised right?
A tad... I could tell her the answer to that
I'm not built like I'm supposed, I'm quick to lace a ho
With lies then kick them to the curbs
Like I should've before I met them and left them in Ap-uh-rullllll
Them showers you say don't bring Spring's flowers
They're just the realization of how the women I've broke feel every hour
Like I have some sort of unquenchable thirst for power
Sit and smile, flirt for a while tell them the world is OURS
When I really believe it's mine, leave them behind
Take a knife to their heart after I break in their spine
Let me rewind no subliminals
It's more like I make those women cry after we fuck reckless past midnights
How many years has this been like ? Something like six ?
I can't remember anymore... there's too many years I've been here before
With nothing else to explore, you say I'm changing
Need to keep an eager pace and forget whose love I was into more
Like I need to face it
Keep writing on a DAILY Basis, and grab my heart off the floor
Everytime I write it out, my heart spills on pen
And you say everytime you see that happen it feels like you've died over again
Which is a shame, thanks for conversing
I'll be back soon to discuss some other shit... signed your little brother Haze .

Heart Attack

2008-10-25T14:52:00.003-05:00

If the good girl is gone, she's gone forever
Truth of the matter is... that seems to always work out better
At least for me, because I tend to sweep the keys
Under the door mat; because they always come back apologetically
Funny how a woman deaded me
When I forgot her first, she's just now moving on much less secretly
When I'm twenty miles down the road; I know it felt like a conniption
Fit to her... when all it really was were thoughts of me in her mind too frequently
Ha ha, I win again... isn't it all a game to them ?
I can't imagine how much it hurts when they find out I play the pen
If they're letting loose rockets, I call someone off the bench to fix the loose sprockets
Clean the game up, I NEVER take losses
Even if it's just the girl from Yonkers if I needed to talk
Or Vanessa down the block if I needed to spark
Get drunk and lay in her late, which rarely happens on a day to day
Seeing my ex-girlfriends all in the same hospital with the same change of fate
Every once in a while I lend them a visit
And every once in a while they ask me if I think I'm wrong for how I did them
The answer stays stagnant, we're opposites
We never attract like befuddled magnets, I hate birds that flock to him
Living with a vacant property, I start reading their charts
As I'm about to leave, I hear the wimpering start
And I find it funny each one was so deeply in love
But they fucked up in succession to get attacked by their own hearts

Come Winter

2008-10-22T23:03:00.002-05:00

I keep it consistent as much as she lies in persistence
Haven't seen her since I turned off my lampshade fixture
It's hard to forgive her, when all these other women
Tell me to fuck her, I should be THEIR mister...
Even the same day she broke me, one chick said she wanted to hold me
That temptation... it was hard to resist her
I said I had an hour to blow
She said it fit with her schedule, and she would have that hour to blow...
Never had her with the offer still standing requiring money to fold
I could get her on bending knees to easily
With words coming down her throat, she says she's Republican
Against abortion with salivating tongues & that's the reason she swallows
In deep detail saying how she'd want kisses to follow
To recover the times her son's father left to never see him grow
But I can't say I'd ever fall in loving with a women when I've closed
My styled off to actions I can rarely control
At least in the situation like I was three weeks ago
It seems supposed dating is a game I only knew in high school
With six women in circulation, I thought I was cool
With them one of the greatest men to unsheathe their clothes
Those days ended with my silly dreams and hopes
Haven't seen a sequin fall in sequence as nice fitting her repose
That was something I'd frequent in the spring time, but I became bitter
So I let her bless me... achoo... come winter

Complete pt. 4

2008-10-21T14:24:00.006-05:00

It's obvious this year is acting like the two prior same...

I can remember the times you choked up, all the times I was focused
With nothing to do so I just sat with everything on my plate with no locusts
Time and time again, speechless with no throat cuts
I swear I've typed your number in only to come to my senses and press the 'end'
The games are over and the battle is won, see how I relayed to you?
You're just like the other ex-girlfriend sluts ! Why
continue with nothing to put in the quarter slots?
I already know what you'll say and what the others will do, you already know
I already know they'll think I'm a fool because they listen to you ,
and I'm just an associate to the blunts
To be blunt, they don't know me and you thought you did
I thought I already showed this side to you,
the one where simple persuasion can't win
'Cause even though they may be on your team, I'm not
Call it stubborn behavior, but I know you knew when I started to fume . You
didn't reassure shit wasn't true to get me to stop
I couldn't care if you're telling them the truth or not , I
only spoke with her 'cause her questions pressed on
And to appease her needs , I
knew she'd talk to you with your same conversational spark
So I can't say I want your heart like you think I do
And I can't say I want to restart like you think I do
In that case, I would've called in that case of proof
Pending everything was proven as true,
and my circumference convinced me I'm not losing you
But they say, if a woman can't talk to what she claims as her main stay
That she's obviously not the woman I need, they know what I need . At
least in terms of relationship vaycay
At least in terms of everything, I can't help but agree thus why I insisted to leave
And haven't spoke to you since that day ; I
can't complain you couldn't ask me about it... I suppose that's why you slighted me
That adds up logically, isn't that your forte ? I
guess you didn't factor those in that properly
So with no options, don't make this harder B

When everything is stated and done, it's finally complete .

About Complete pt. 3

2008-10-21T14:09:00.012-05:00

Then again...

I can't begin believing you, everything can be lies when I lead with you
Used to be trump for that silly ass month,
now you're a card I can't see myself dealed to
I used to think shit could've worked, after my single spurt and all of the bullshit aside
One that I could've seen myself working with in a different light
But dreams of late have had an about face to the ones I dreamed of you
Now it's about you cussing me out,
running around fucking every nigga I know in sight
Surely I could be colorblind everything either black and white
Considered to swallow my pride . Then
a grey area came into light, now everything looks like a blurred up clue
Then my Ms. came back, and she said she wasn't having that
She loves me so much since my first attempt,
she says no other bitch can have me back
Or look at my back in the same way, the vacancy sign turned into a main stay
Even though we cuss and fight and I feel sometimes like ending my life... She
makes me believe I have something to provide
Until I fade away, be it the cigarettes or bullet strays
Or knifes in my back that were aimed my way, who is to tell ? I'm
too fluent to yell at what's become of these days
So sorry if you think it was in jest, sorry if your heart beats inside of your chest
Wishing to leave and run to a man that has no intentions of keeping the peace

I've began to wake up in my bed lusting for something new to explore
Since I know the one I used to love can't reciprocate it anymore
'Cause the smiles turn to screams and love turns to war
On the battlefield setting I've been accustomed to before
It's hard to think this lady wasn't keeping a secret
When all I ever saw was her setting plots up for the visitors
With all love lost, and only Ms. Depression to gain
It's obvious this year is acting like the two prior same...

Ms. ???

2008-10-21T03:56:00.008-05:00

Sitting with death lit upon my curbside, peering through the streetlamps
I find myself forever in this sleep trance
I can feel winter on me, her or the slow sting of death
Maybe that's just me exhaling inebriated breaths
She hasn't spoke with me in four seasons
I'm beginning to see I'm always waiting for the caress of her features
She's something I fiend for
Constantly begging her to come back to me, feeling so bad for leaving her
I greed for her, her nickname for us was the Two Angry Beavers
Eating her up! Lickety-SPLIT... afterwards with my head in her chest . Telling
her how I'm in desperate need of her
Apologizing for cheating her,
though she already knows the other women are silhouettes
Whispering to me that after finding me she's never found a realer nigga yet
Saying it must be those stereotypical cigarettes
I'm sorry love, I promised I'd quit when you came back... I just couldn't feel you yet
Her reassurances are like lyre string requiems on my eardrum sets
Soothing the beast within, yes I swear I've been faithfully celibate
I know that you revel in the fact that I love you more with each retrace of steps
I love how you stress, I thrive on it Miss Depress...
When I think everyone else has left, you always seem to abound
When nothing seems safe and sound, you always demand my attention kept
I can't front on you for that especially when all else fails
And you're the only one that will let me feel the heartbeat in your chest
I know you said those women would leave and forget me, I couldn't believe they left
Baby you were right again, I'm sorry for breaking our vow to love affair 'til death
It won't happen again .
I'm glad to have you back again .

Closer To Complete pt. 2

2008-10-20T21:05:00.007-05:00

Drinking brought out my demons, two weeks ago
I wouldn't ever thought my forearms would have such a frequent hold...
I saw a mold of a man I used to be, as I reread
How did I let this person inside my head when I had begun fantasies of old
You know... the same ones your parents put on panoramic screens
Like we were all made to believe... Soul
mates just on four dates, everything we couldn't be
I know everyone makes mistakes, but really how hard would it be;
To foresee the actions you have no sudden recollection of efficiently?
I swear to whatever God that I wish she'd be out of my mind. Isn't
that how the saying goes?
As long as she's out of my sight... just a god with a pen in plainer clothes
They always thought they knew me best, well they could remove their stress
By wishing away the thoughts of me, I swear I wish she knew me less
Or I knew you more, or something you adored enough to not lie to anymore
But that died along with your shrouded avenue I used to love to explore
But I could ignore that route, I'm sure plenty have taken that path
When all I'd do is doubt any and everything we seemed to ever have
Let me finish this a tad bit later...
Sometimes I pick up the phone, listening in on the messages to laugh
Just recently they were erased because I couldn't see myself taking a chance

Ravishing her with all the amenities every girl wants
Since when did friends become enemies?... Only
when a different outlet is sought
With a plug that used to be a perfect fit just hours before
Gets convoluted and screwed into shapes he can't recognize anymore
It's hard to believe that door won't open anymore
When it opened up on a daily basis before
It's hard to believe my feet keep moving
When my body doesn't feel like it's been moving along...

Then again...

Far From Complete

2008-10-20T01:58:00.011-05:00

When she says she needs time to see the times that we actually worked
I can't help but think she'll be looking longer than she'd prefer
'Cause when the love turned into lust, and everything broke
She didn't see us the same... I couldn't see her with any type of hope
She couldn't see me as the man I attempted to set myself out as
Starting to diminish, I couldn't get over my past...
She used to smile at that, whispering everything will be alright if we wait
The only problem was that she didn't stay...

Her name was like the sunrise to my daily
I was like the man rolling maple tree leaves just to reenact my habits safely
As fall settles in, and winter comes nearer
All I can dwell on is how the coming season makes me feel like every other nigga
Claimed intellectual?... go figure
She said I'm arrogant, that's nothing I can see myself settling . We
haven't spoke for weeks, for all I know she wants to pull a couple of fours on me
Or choke me out, doing anything she feels can grab a hold of me
Lately I haven't been too focused, and moreso I've unknowingly . Been
falling for women that mirror her image and everything she used to repose to me
It's like this irresistible urge is controlling me
"Maybe you should just back down, those walls can't hold out on anything even closely related to love's tile flo-ooooring... !"
But that is a lie, I covet my pride... and even though she used to be one I would try
And fail to side, I'd find myself thinking of her at night
On her at night, in her at night; prying her legs... finger fucking her mind
Excuse my French...
she has a way with my silver tongue, and I with her loosened lips
And I with her dry bed spread, and her with my thoughts
And I with her pen, and her with my cost effectiveness... and her with my family
And I with her heart, even though I know her thoughts of me can't stand me...
Poking her vain with nicotene just so she remembers what I possibly CAN be
I know that she misses me, and even though this isn't physically
She has no right to come across as a victim
No carrying on of traditions like I started the fight, I kept them away
I mean, she was the one going out on dates, she was the one with a double face
She was the one that said she couldn't stay away, and led me on
Telling her I distaste a liar, I found she fed me wrong
And I know it's the worst route to address it in a song, but whatever you thought you knew me as . Is dead and gone,
hope you're glad you're categorized like ex women once was everyone
You used to call me your Montague with phrases, with no stage presence
Forcing me to exit stage left, because I couldn't stage my feelings on that...
She didn't see us the same, and I'm proud to say she was right for that thinking
When everything seems like it's a constant right turn, so I started turning to drinking
Let me finish this a tad bit later...
Drinking brought out my demons, two weeks ago
I wouldn't ever thought my forearms would have such a frequent hold...

Judgemental

2008-10-12T09:59:00.005-05:00

Son of a Leo! -- he taught me how to
Stack money in three-folds, in prep for a se-quel
Said I should act like my shit don't stink like Ni-no
And even though I'm brown, there's still no such thing as an e-qual
Dappa don, laced me up in my street clothes
No inhibitions, he told me I wasn't ready to hear the story of my prequel
But I found those jigsaws and pieced it together
Saw the mural in full perspective, I must say those sights became lethal
Learned from those scribblings to not feed into what hoes are cookin'
Like women are time, and I don't want to work 40 hour weeks overbookin'
And like my closest of friends are always out of line
Closest of kin are steady acting as if they came up straight out of Crooklyn
All liars... all niggas with attitudes
Rather rude after I took them in, fostered them to the men they grew out
When their money was nothing more than three years old
I ushered them into puberty where they wanted to spend currencies on ropes of gold

Hah...

Sooner Than Later

2008-10-10T12:36:00.001-05:00

I used to be in your key position
Tightly locked, used to be the key to your heart
Started up so smooooothly, loved how you were doing me
Then everything abruptly stopped
There was nothing I could do, when a man feels he's being screwed
I have tendencies to shuffle back into a catch 22
You're astranged because there's nothing left that you can't do
But you don't know which cards to pull
With a arrogance like mine, I get sickly tired of my exes
Having cold shoulders... whenever I achoo they bless me
Even when I'm not snifflin', I'm trying to pull a choice few off my hinges
Dead weight isn't a part of my reminiscing
I don't need no one else, so I'm praying come winter
With a short duration to keep me on kilter
Go figure, she already filled in where I was standing
Saying she misses me more than when she tends to leave the family
Tried to give me her heart packaged with words, "please use care when handling"
I got shaky
I saw her heart breaking, sent it back to the return address
And now with her weakened knees and despite me says she can't stand me...

So can you do me a favor?

Bundle up for the coming months
I know if I can pull it together, I'll only be pulling blunts
And that's a shame seeing as everyone wants someone to hug up on
Preferably sooner than later, when the one I want already has another one

God damn.

Yonkers

2008-10-10T12:29:00.001-05:00

Yonkers, New Yorker -- confident talker
I wouldn't be surprised if words you said weren't the truth
It's been going back and forth with you
So I'm on chill, you have random bullshit that you've gotta go through
I went through the boroughs, I don't think women caught the references
Especially when there are direct connections
Brooklyn was full of Filipinos
And Manhattan was full of actresses that I'd rather not speak on
Queens was with drug tendencies
And Staten Island was full of Colombians that I couldn't get rid of
Bronx was just a relapse to my baby's mother
If you didn't catch that, why bother?
So then there's Yonkers
Just a new place to relax until I've made sure all the other Boroughs are dead
With that being said, Shaolin needs to stop
Trying to recruit a nigga when he doesn't want to settle down anywhere in New York
Well, maybe Yonkers, but there's only one reason for laying back
And right now me and her aren't really looking for that
So I'll just pick up school, the legal job, and the chill mode cool
And she'll get up her paper and kill all the drama she has
Still be friends, phone call her, and write for her again and again
Until Yonkers becomes something like a second home to my paper and pen

Boroughs

2008-10-10T12:20:00.001-05:00

She was from Brooklyn, home of the high tops and cookin'
Bodegas with the corner full of the rookies
Where the veterans be pushin', she learned from the best
But when she got too close, I had to relieve all my strees
Those blacks hit me in Manhattan, her lifestyle seemed tragic
5th Avenue, type glamor steady diving into
Of course she was official, until she heard the guns clapping
She never saw it coming so the scene looked like an accident
But her, she loved all of that fashion shit
Laid in the loft, had the syndrome -- so I played it off like I wasn't attracted, shit
She knew I was wrong for that, she also hated the trafficking
Lusted the money more than what I wanted her to
In Queens I found a queen B, handled all the problems for dude
Treated me like God, but lost her faith -- so now I pity the odds
Let the world catch her, the bottle became her best friend
So everytime I came home she tried to put a leash on her man
Staten Island had me buzzing, riddled with problems by that time
I just wanted shorty to call me up buggin'
Show me she cared, but she was never seen
And I couldn't find her anywhere, so hypothesizing -- I bet she would cheat
Which isn't a thing, I cheated on her -- with the Bronx I preferred
Would show baby girl the extreme benefits of her worth
Though Dominican, she always had time to slow down
Talk to me, and managed to always keep me around
At least for a while
Until the days she said she was bearing a child, and the donor was me
Hold up, if I was ever to bury a seed
I'd be a father, not just buying Jays and sending checks; so right then I knew the donor wasn't me
Skirted, went back to a new place concerned with
Got back to my wicked ways and started off on that flirting shit
All of that resurfaced, shit
I didn't want to revert, so I found a woman that I wanted to build with
From BK to the high-class districts -- Queens to Shaolin
Drama in a Second Language 101 in which I saw everything hard
And I never really liked the Bronx
So I very may well be laying up in Yonkers, only to leave them alone

The Fifth Sense

2008-10-10T12:15:00.001-05:00

Touch;
Although the taste comes sparse, heart to heart
The sound of your voice in uncertainty is enough to break me apart
That’s cool, one piece won’t hurt
I’m sure I can find some super glue, but the millions your in must feel like murder
The things he does to you are unheard of
Not because I haven’t seen it before, you just won’t tell me
That’s an issue with trust, I know it’s hard – I’m a repeat offender
But with you, it’s easy for me to talk about things that become more difficult, boo
My voice must not be soothing you, it can’t be soft to the touch
So let me just fallback into the scene so there isn’t an issue with us
Do you, I’ll do me; you can come back and talk
See if all five of your senses can work
I know mine do, but maybe my mind is something I’m lying to
Maybe I thought my senses were vital
When I should’ve focused writing on you, hit the pen to the page
See the results, run my hands over the lines blinded to SEE if I could relate
You took chances ma, three summers is a long time to stomach
I’m surprised you never felt the urge to get blunted
That takes strength, especially when it feels like you were broken into
Burglarized, and the dude took your heart skirting away one hundred miles and running
Shorty, I feel you
Even though you don’t try to feel me back, I was right to take those two steps back
Shorty, what would real do?
How would you feel me if you saw everything with me were beneficial?
Lust shouldn’t be an issue, I know what heartache can do – it’s sentimental
Especially when lies lace your heart with inconveniently placed intimate false-truths
I wrote a little more for you, this is the final
Hope you studied; I don’t want to be in the position to fail you
You’re looking mad frail boo, you feel mad lonely
And when I try to coax those emotions out, you leave me alone; B
I feel you, so I leave that alone; B
There isn’t an issue with lust here, so let me back away a little bit more; B
These emotions don’t condone or define how my touch is uncommon
To anyone else you ever knew
Get your clue, figure out your escape
Get to the bottom of shit, I’ll do the same
In the meantime, my touch is a phone call away
Take that with you, ma I feel you.

The Fourth Sense

2008-10-10T12:14:00.001-05:00

Taste;
Baby girl this is directly related
To what you inhale but next is how it feels on your tongue
Shaped specific, are you type sprung?
Can you imagine me being the next one you test in reluctance?
I look like a man with substance, sound like somebody you can fuck with
Surrounded by clean air, past behind him -- all there is, IS the exam to follow
Will the flavor be too hard to swallow?
Dumb addictive, the same spice you know is there won't be gone tomorrow
You're sweet at times, on my mind it never spoils
Loyal, but only dependent on what type of alcohol I drink it down with
Since the past sense is amplified by the current
It's difficult for me to place just how new this should taste
Something new on my plate... who can't tell I'm famished?
Ruined with havoc, just testing women to see if they spot misconceptions
Take them out to eat, peep the linguistics
Sort the bitches from the queens then kill any misconceptions of me
But which ones do you see, which are on the tip of your tongue?
Which can't you quite place the taste of because you don't know if they're true, or not
I say, just kick back and drink it down until the fluid stops
Hold your breath and hope the things you think are right are truly horribly wrong
How do you taste the love, love?
Shorty you should just fall asleep after you're done tasting, love.

The Third Sense

2008-10-10T12:06:00.001-05:00

Smell;
Kinda salty, hearing all the pain in your voice
A change is coming, I can feel it in the air as I'm hearing your choices
Without a care in the world, I can sniff out that you're scared
Of exactly what men can do
But sniffing out to snuff them is easy
When women do the exact same thing as those men except they seem to enact it more appealing
More believable when they lie because their threat is unseen
But you can trace the stench of a man's lie from a lifetime away
Happiness, shorty that'll be the day
When you ask a question and the only answer coming out of his mouth doesn't smell like pure horse shit
Or when the grass is greener, and you take the fumes in
And come to terms that he lost one, and now you're the one that can win
Play your cards right, yeahhhhhh
Smell the other player's fear, but rest assured that all he does is care
He understands that being put on hold for thirty minutes
May make him a lot further from his goal, but he's alright knowing that you're happy over there
Or he could be closer to where he notices a brand new scent awaken
And move closer knowing all the bullshit is diminished
I already said first impressions are deceiving
Not to mention I'm just scoping with my keen eyesight, and hearing what I want to believe in
Trying to exhale out the lies and what's really on your mind
You should try to inhale the lines, yeah... just inhale and rewind.

The Second Sense

2008-10-10T11:57:00.000-05:00

Hear;
You have keen eye sight, yeah shit looks cool now
But when I speak to you, do you catch onto the fear?
It's been five years now, and it's hard to shake all the heartbreaks
From Micah to, what do we have here?
When you smile, I can hear it -- pay attention when you tell secrets
Your actions make everything loud & clear
When you said what you wanted on that walk ma, it opened my eyes
No more wastes of time, and someone that can relax your mind
With just the bass in his tone when you're checking your voicemails
Or anything that man would write
Especially if you're the object of his attention, I learned a lot about you that night
I just hope you know, I'm a man that actually listens
I've played many positions; war-monger, target of Cupid
Luster & lover, but it always turned out I was played to be stupid
Love sounded like the sweet melody I wanted to wake to every morning
Until her, her, her, and her pushed me towards atonement
I guess with that I'm more based on motives
And though it sounds cliche', I hope you know that this is a pivotal moment
You'll hear, things changed -- just make sure that keeps everything clear
I don't let anyone else interfere
Sound familiar? -- I'm thinking too much, later you'll hear
That should ring bells, yeah... later you'll hear.

The First Sense

2008-10-08T02:52:00.006-05:00

See;
It sounds cool but, I'm not Budden
I don't want a bitch just to cover all the resentment, B
I don't want a bitch, I want a woman
You look like that, sure -- but where do you come from?
What guns do you stick to, how do your friends and family depict you?
What point do you believe you're official?
I'm not talking fly, flashy, looking high -- I'm talking much more literal
When do you believe you've become type wife material?
When did you come to the epiphany that most women come across;
In their early twenties, supposedly making them look for something MORE?
On more extreme amounts than a man they know will lust someone else when he is theirs
And more than a man with overly obsessive exes and fans
Less than the all in the business type
But hitting a middle ground -- knows when to leave when you feel like everything isn't right
One that won't disrespect you in the middle of the night
And won't promise to call back 10 minutes later, and forget due to lack of her on his mind
One that can keep his thoughts and his pride, but put those on the bench
To realize YOURS is that much more important
For that I see, I'm certain
And I ain't Budden, I'm not relapsing a woman when I can be happy with the next
I hope you can see that, and see for yourself
Yeah, just see for yourself.

Something I'm Not Good At

2008-10-07T19:58:00.009-05:00

Nowdays I can't even look into her eyes without feeling guilt
Nowdays I can't even look into her eyes without her tears being spilled
No one cries over spilled milk
But I guess so when it happens over the course of a relationship killed
I have good reasons, just don't want to mouth them
I had bad reasons, but sometimes I just don't want to hear them
With her hands tied, I figured I could get away walking
No looking back with two decisions in my hand trying to weigh out the option
Figure they could just auction her off, I didn't want her after that shit
Don't get me backwards...
If I did want her I wouldn't have said I loved her so
In that case, I wouldn't have hoped the love would grow
But when the money sink begins to start working, and it's killing your funds
In time... people choose to find someone else to drain out their funds
In time, she chose to miss me then lie about sums
When all I ever wanted was to hear her not lie about some

Reach

2008-10-04T00:05:00.006-05:00

All women are gullible to places that I couldn't reach

Most women are liars to the point where niggas couldn't preach

All women lie, I could take last night

Shove it in her face, and ask her how she could do that two face shit with me

But, I'm too easy

Not in the fact that I take my pants off quick, I can take my pants off quick

She can be a strong armed bitch

I figure nowdays all women are sleazzzzzzy

Every woman drooling at the sight of a nigga like Kanyeeeeeezy

Screaming maybe I should do this to a nigga, "t-t-touch me, please me"

Winter needs to come with that lovesick disease B

So I can write my heart OUT when my emotions are freezing

If I wanted I could light her up

If I wanted I could lie to her

If I wanted I could say it wasn't possible for me to stick my dick in a ho

When every woman I pass has potential to be something I touch & go

Is receiving head a date?

I don't consider it, but if you have to ask then you know it's a date

Shorty do you know the date?

Like... saying you miss me isn't saying shit out of one's name

Stop playing !

Attempt

2008-09-29T04:17:00.004-05:00

I met her on a cooler day

She said she loved when the oowop sprayed, she held paint canisters

Huff those and they'll damage ya

RIP to the ones that burnt those just to fix up their word plays!

Two weeks later, who knew where she ran 'ta?

Went from being real cute to the biggest stan

Had the biggest plan to throw on my KanYe West face

Figure it was the worst case, at least I'd understand

Never had a good birthday, she left me a message

A year later and still haven't pressed seven, guess the devil possessed

I've got the fire in me... only when I light a cigarette

She says I've got the anger in me, I'm guessing her opinion is messed

I say I have the justifiable envy

Naw, envy is a bad word... maybe it's just disappointment in steps

Yeah because in truth I could've been without the text

The voice, the half bullshit mess saying we never would've worked

I guess, I'm just a step up from the curb

Or maybe I just fall for the birds

Maybe I don't talk when I need to, and get walked all over

Silly concrete, don't those six-inch high heels hurt?

You live and you learn, I live and I recount

I live and I return to the memories others tend to fade out

I never try to remember what she was yapping about

But wasn't I justified to open my mouth?; yessir !

Never in active pursuit of a common ground

I'm on a common ground, I haven't seen in ages

If you say I've reverted... clearly those four months you were gone

You missed out on various stages

Be it, here nor there... New York or Midwestlands

When I was with LAXes, with my styles perfected

When you were holding up flips in downtown Harlem

Hearing them say they love you on some next shit

We've had so many stories to pass to the bredrin

Sure... we've bragged and boasted to the exes but they tried to ignore

I'm speaking to myself at this point, so don't try to implore

I'm at the point where I'm tyring to ignore

I throw shots and you call foul with no flagrant in 'em

I call you fowl even when you're laced in denims

Bragging about how you've got suspicions

About how one comesssss cared but never kids 'em

Ehh, fuck it

Ain't even anymore to type to a thick-head.

Untitled

2008-09-29T04:00:00.003-05:00

I couldn't see myself fronting on someone who's been dead and gone

At least speaking in figurative terms

At least looking at how she got her hair permed

Trying to look like every other female hip-hop addict on the earth

Look at her curves she uses them

Look at her exes, she emotionally abuses them

Even though I don't know if it's intentional yet

They see her angles and they're still pursuing them

That's seems a tad foolish huh?, at least she keeps it consistent

At least she only undresses when she's somebody's mistress

At least she has the balls to write about the different nights she was slain

By different niggas between her legs

At the most she was something I astranged, couldn't really figure out

I guess that's why I wanted her brain

Not only wanted her brains, but wanted to see how she changed

Fuck around, fuck around; obstacles still remained

At least she saw me as the same sane cat

Saying I get angry at her, like I didn't know where my brains at

Smoking weed out of the same stash for seven years straight

Looking at the same women I used to fuck out of hate

Throw them to the dogs, tell them how easy it was

To get some face, then laugh when they were hounded sadists

I'm disappointed in this...

Let Me Remember

2008-09-25T02:26:00.004-05:00

I can't see myself anywhere else

Though the past twenty makes the next two years seem like a feat in itself

Hearing different people in my circle steady screaming for help

With no life lines, maybe I should keep the preservatives on the shelf

Alone they could better their health

Always asking for a hand when they can't lend a nigga hand to themselves

One hand on their cell phone the other on the wheel that they dealt to get

But can't feed their own kids in their selfishness

So they expect me to shell, back then they knew me as

The nigga with wealth; sure I had a couple ends I could truly pass

But cash isn't everything, that's where they didn't think correct

So they lost one, no ties lost & no disrespect

Some women only knew my sex, I still see them

Now their new men aren't half of my human being

The type of women a rich boy would try to throw some double D's in

Gladly now they made me a tad bit vehement

Enough to turn backs on their precincts, and those things I'd frequent

I only wanted attention, but they would want to be slightly indecent

I can't see myself doing that again only to bend odd formations

Or claim I was just trying to find a replacement

You can't recooperate loneliness with a couple new faces

With obvious obsessions with laying their head by my waist, shitttt

Now days I don't flatter the hoes, I can't even two face them

There have been dark nights as of late, writing heath ledgers to face them

Lately there's been a couple with sharp tounges

When I go back to where I high school grew up

Despite Tampa Bay, Florida; the only thing I threw up

Was a new sense of self reliance in my musessssss

Writing past the margin on my looseleaf, just to come to terms

Niggas laughed at me foolishly while they hit on ugly women with their perms

I wasn't really concerned until my family stepped in

Saying shit along the lines of... if I keep to not living life I won't learn

So I took that to heed, went back to cutting down trees

Finally felt some relief

Those days were the truest to me, the ones where I wasn't sober I mean

I can recollect those days more than the ones I could walk my own two feet

One day I spirit walked right into an Indian chief

Slightly helpful; he made me weigh my pen against weed

I did and chose to light one last sicamore leaf, clasp my ball point pen

And write until my hand came to bleed

In two years I had enough of a written account

That I couldn't sweat the inspiration fast enough out of my head

At one point wished I was dead, took a mental scribe

Maybe 2 more years isn't as bad as it could seem in my eyes

So I choked my tears for seven years and I swallowed my pride

Let it loose again just recently, now some close friends stopped beeping me

Saying they don't know what I'm stressing about!, why would you smoke?!

Maybe when I hit my grandmother's age I'll put the cigarettes out

To be continued... or revised?

Expansion

2008-09-21T23:53:00.000-05:00

Why I gotta be a nigga man?
Don't you know women don't like niggas, man?
I guess I have to claim myself as my part cracker or heritage of head scalper
Lace her, then in secret do my nigga dance
Damn... why doesn't she want a nigga man?
Why can't she see life is better with an educated nigga man?
It's a funny paradox saying I'm that nigga, man
She's mad I'm always coming late; I told her I was a nigga, man !
Watermelon on my picnic table I'm sitting at, fried chicken in my nigga hand
Kool-aid cooling off in my red plastic cup, waiting to make my nigga stomach damp
My grandmother talking to the kids, furiously waving her nigga fan
Welfare can't pay for A/Cs, but pays for clothes from Macy's out of her nigga payment plans
The girl I want didn't think that I could nigga dance
She thought I river danced, knowing my skin makes it seem I can't swim
Makes it seem I want my reparations
Sure, I'm a nigga but have no problems with the other niggas man
Used to work two jobs, now they see that I'm a nigga... damn
Don't you know how hard it'll be to find credentials to make me not seem like a nigga, man?
So until they get sick of Stan and that girl gets a lot more interesting
I'll say fuck that world, I'll be the nigga... man!

Monologue

2008-09-21T02:02:00.005-05:00

Something is telling me I should ask for your number and name right now
My name is HAZE, at least I think it is...
It's been such a long time since I've heard my birth name
Haze is my earth name, let me rephrase
My name is Noah

And from the way you caught my eye, I must say
That everything you portray from the way you demand attention
And presume every man is just looking thirsty
Caught my eyes in an intriguing shade of grey
Not melancholy grey as in dull

But the kind of grey you see just as the sun breaks the horizon
For the first time in a 24 hour cycle
When the few clouds left over from the midnight dew drops
Are few and far between and they sparkle as the sun's rays lace them with
Astounding hues of beautiful incarnate

Kind of like you, but that's a cliche thing to say
Like... you must be tired you've been running through my mind all day
Or something corny along the lines of... dot dot dot... hi... as I would say
With my usual attire on, sneakers, jeans, a designer t-shirt
And my hat backwards as it may... I just feel like the biggest loser on earth

Because even with this earth name, I still feel out of place
What is this HAZE business about you say? Well I'm ashamed
See, I used to smoke to such an extent... the car windows would tint
Even if they were clearer than wind that flirts with your fingers
Especially as you feel winter close nearer

You see, I spotted YOU about seven years away
When everyone my age was getting their fuck on, I couldn't stray
It seems every woman my age I really wanted to be with...
I'd like to analyze and be read, or want the pretty ones in my bed...
Or the ones that broke my heart to be dead !

I'd never wish wells on anyone's grave, I'd feel too bad
If they did fall to a grave danger, I mean... I may have gotten sad
I haven't even cried in seven cycles of my age, by the way I'm twenty
But yes... I haven't shed a tear after my daughter's life was taken from me
All good things come through God right?

I'm somewhat of a spiritual man, but despise the propaganda
Sometimes I hate God for what he did, and for what he won't give me
What I feel I deserve...
But it seems God prefers to see me lust & envy
Every woman that tries to act like they have interest in me

I guess that's where you come along... I have such a strong urge
To just run away with you
I see everything good in you, with me
And with me... Love... isn't that your name?
Yeah... love. I haven't yet found that emotion in me.

Desparations? (A Play On My Own Words)

2008-09-21T01:37:00.009-05:00

Some say I'm too much of an asshole, live TOO far away
Others say I'm too nice and never live for the day
Some say I don't treat them special, I didn't know where to begin
And more say I treat them too special like a nice guy, we know they don't win
Sometimes I just want to cross the southern border & find me a petty, freedom yearning bitch
Because I can't find where that girl from Canada went
The girl from Jersey seems to not know I exist

Didn't know she was a fix of mine for a short stint

You know, puff of her angel dust here or there -- a month in passing feeling unkempt
Plus... San Diego would be too much lost time I had missed
Hawai'i would have me crossing oceans just to focus on disappointment
And Germany never birthed a love I found was worth it
Biloxi is underwater, so unless a woman floated on the shore from customs
I don't think a mermaid can fathom humanity's means of reproduction
Colorado Springs left me quenched, but cold-hearted
Women didn't know if I was there for them, or if I was the kid sampling martyrdom
In LAX, I almost fathered them
It seems they're just like the elevator women in Florida
I tend to be ignoring them, just like Yonkers was affixing me
I didn't like too much how Miami and Cleveland tried to play tricks on me
I can't believe no woman is missing me, especially after Philadelphia
After all the times I tried bi-polar helping her
I have memories with Tennessee, but I don't know if I could go on
I'm going half crazy, and I feel like I'm ALWAYS wrong

With Milwuakee on the horizon, it wouldn't be too surprising

If I sang for her, and ended up writing a sad song

What else could go THAT wrong? -- besides TN coming around frequent?

Or Toronto tugging at strings she hasn't seen bend

Must I leave it?... without an attachment to be with?

That's what it seems in, needing a woman I only stumble on dreams in
So, if I can keep my state of mind in place for the most part
I'm sure I can live these next two years with a couple cold aortas

Things I Know

2008-09-20T15:41:00.003-05:00

I know I'm the illest individual anybody would ever meet
Still women ignore me when I'm traveling the street
Talking about events some people's intelligence would never reach
Still women give me the eye like I'm crazy in my speech
I know I'm smarter than most people perceive
Sure I curse, fight and slur but I never preach
I know that I would never leech, take your money
See, I'm the type of man that couldn't bare to steal the honey
I know I write better than her, but its looked over because it's ill-written
Hers just play to mine, hers just repeat my lines
Hers just use my mind, and sometimes my slang and prose
Where did her style go?
I know my style is laced with some wicked words
I know my mind is blurred with visions of women with the sickest furs
Laced with an expensive purse
Knowing I couldn't ever lace one with a ring suited to their ring fingerrrrrrr

RAMBLERAMBLERAMBLE.

Clearance

2008-09-20T15:33:00.003-05:00

All women lie in the worst ways
I can't even get my mother to acknowledge me on my birthday
Even worse is the women my age are all thirsty
Wanting me to love them, then they forget to try and reimburse me
Like, this one girl was mad flirty
She had a man, and I knew to back down when I can
And that was the plan, things led to coveting
Worst came to worser, she said she was loving me
So we got together because we felt like the authority
She was saying things late nights like, "I just want to feel you exploring me."
We broke up, now days I feel like she's ignoring me
Knowing I have time on my hands to do things she implored to me
Sometimes I get jealous
Then again, sometimes I speak reckless with my tongue off it's leash
Though it's hue is silver I find myself losing the races
With men half my weight in gold running at much slower paces
And that's always some just in case shit
I never feel like I'll make it to the finish in these type of events
My body is emotionally spent
So whenever I see a woman I'm attracted to, I'm gauging her as faceless
Engaging her... never
All women lie, and not just on their backs
Not just when I spit the facts and they can't take it
So they always make me feel like I'm wrong for thinking before I begin to think it...

I Said...

2008-09-20T15:28:00.002-05:00

Keep it consistent, and she couldn't
I said I'm done with the bitches, I was done
Nevertheless I'm stuck with one when I shouldn't
Call back, I thought it was all for you when really it couldn't
I was too into you as a drug
That I took my addiction as lust
When she really couldn't keep it consistent for two days into love
I thought it was a problem with me, but it's an issue with us
So, please when I say one after another
I mean, take it to heart in repetitions, separate your facts from the fictions
And when my condition gets better
Maybe then I could see you in the same light, maybe without any spite
Maybe that'll be forever!
Maybe it won't, maybe I love her or maybe I'll choke
I probably have love enough for us both!
In truth maybe not until we come to the close two years down the road

Death By Metaphor

2008-09-16T01:49:00.002-05:00

Every instance I inject my scribe sheet with my pen it becomes lethal
I can't help but think the sentences become more feeble
With every line I write past the margin, I feel like a graphic artist
With an inspiration similar to Guernica with my hand as an easel
So many rain forests have be sliced in two by my palm just so I could write
Nothing more than carpal tunnel when I begin to lose inspirational sights
My hand weighs heavy with nooses and loosened ties
Of words begging to fall victim to my pen and lay dead by the red lines
The verbs beg the ballpoints to pull the string
"Funny how the Bic caps look like hoods when they're executing me!"
Damn No. 2, look what you do to me!
Maybe poisoning the words to a point when sharpened just to settle with verbs
Curved esses lie right next to my pronoun stresses
In what seems like a beautiful decay of a garden with 2D addresses
I commit genocide when a relationship ends me
I can't get enough words to banana clip shoot off, or I begin to feel filthy
Until my paragraphs are fulfilling, my fingertips twitch in high voltages
Until ever phrase is emblazoned with no trace of ad libs in Young Jeezy dosages
I get to the point I get to force focused, I forget to take a breath or two
Indenting, revising and editing every drowning stanza until it's flexible
Unleashing a gas chamber of letters upon a pale tablet
With what seems like nothing more except various dead inspirations I've fashioned

Just Read TBD

2008-09-16T01:29:00.002-05:00

I keep it clean, it seems I'm always reaching at dreams
With no grasp... butter fingers like I'm failing my team
Which consists of my mind, soul, heart embodying me
Something with a structure closer to the way fall leaves
And winter hits with as much force as her winter winds
Or springs mists until the showers in a fool's April cease
I can't forgive anything that season did to me
Because when summer breezes struck my skin, my daughter wasn't conceived
The love of my life couldn't soothe the pain I felt with her
Walking away from me in her mink pelt of fur like me being poor wasn't sweet
I'm not sugar, I don't melt when the rain drops
Come harder than women with whom I knocked knees
Or butted heads, knocked boots, or with whom I blew oak trees
Until the rain turned to snow, despite us rolling up those oak leaves
Ducking and hiding from the police, scared of the power they attained
With a GED, and a racist mindstate
But poor lil' black me, nowdays I can't approach a woman in the city
Without her looking into my eyes and feeling some sort of pity
It looked like rain, so I brought around my BAPE hood with me
Couldn't look back at anything in the past that ever made me feel shitty
Like the exes I can count on two hands that tried to uplift me
Only to cheat on me, I guess that's what I get for lacing a woman mad pretty
Or taking care of a god child when her father couldn't provide bi-weekly
Because he was smoking it all away in his saliva and philly
Family didn't want to keep me, but that's past & present
Future tenses I know they'll miss me...
When they won't see me four score and some sessions
So I just smoke session... I should stop it now
Find another addiction, tell some birds to lick me up then wipe me down
Then when they call, mute all the sounds
When they leave messages, repeatedly press 7... then never come around
Go back to my roots, and just lock a bitch down, give her no air
Until her vocal chords spark the words I believe I need to hear
Only with truth behind them, because those lies could undo me
In time, now the only thing in my life is music that can soothe me

Just read To Be Determined...

Love Affair

2008-09-14T10:19:00.000-05:00

I have sick scar tissue in the back of my throat
There's enough blood to gargle that I could choke
Never coughed up so much before
I'm guessing I should figure in my smoke
Maybe it is cancer, and my body's getting sick as I still go
Maybe it is my time to go
I rather go now to undying causes, and cut all my losses
Take me as a winner when everything in life pauses
Smoking isn't for quitters, that's why we need the nicotene on us
I got my addiction from my father
He smoked in cloves, I used to smoke indoors
Mary tasted sweet on my lips, spying her naked skin, I wrapped as I drove
Then depression hit, I had never hurt my lungs to that extent
So I figured I could smoke something a little blacker to give my soul a nicer tint
Maybe a few long laced with ivory faces
With no other temptations
Sings so soulful against my vocal chords, I'm waiting for those to disintegrate
Along with my structure, want to be alone... but baby I love you
So maybe tomorrow we can elope, and kill my health off
Maybe tonight we can elope, and kill my health off
Maybe next week we can elope and kill my health off
So you leave me be and lust and murder the next ones off

Still On The Shelves

2008-09-14T09:56:00.003-05:00

Maybe I'm half-crazy, or serenely subtle
Maybe I do want you to be "my baby", living in distance is indeed a struggle
I don't know how I made it THIS far without your quizzical approach
In truth, I can't fathom myself solo after this chapter of my life comes to a close
Pain is pleasure, so you must be something upon the lines of hurting excruciatingly
Lusting you in the same way I exhale my smoke circles, are you addicted to me?
Impatiently wanting you in every which way
To the point where those very thoughts corrode into thinking we will be okay
And it feels like fate, you always have me feeling over the weather
At the same time, I'm so lovesick I never feel like I'll get any better
From your lips to the dip where your waist meets your hips
Your stature to spoken word; I never knew a person like you could exist
While I only see in shades, my eyes still fixate
On the momentum your curves portray and the truth in your eyes
Sure, you've got me on a short leash; why would I have to lie?
But be sure to know, if I ever feel betrayed my bark isn't worse than my bite
Fair warning, but you didn't need it
Because I'm somewhere around positive that you could be the women I frequent
And though at times our attraction may feel misleading, I'm easy to please
It's evident every time we communicate with how you knock me to my knees
You're like a disease I only want to harbor in greed
Never let you go to infect some other hosts, letting my eyes go green with that envy
The type of song I put on repeat, and listen to until the sun sets on you perfect
But the only thing is... you're the one love song I've yet to see myself purchase

How I Grew Up

2008-09-12T00:12:00.003-05:00

In my teen years, all I could ever think of is pressure from peers
Between smoking lye, or turning bottles on their upsides
The thing is, in the high school years peers got influenced
Even after watching commercials showing reasons why one shouldn't do it
In truth, part of those actions are confusing
Why would one want to risk their innocence for euphemisms?
Some friends I had to back out on due to different touches I was losing with them
We can't talk about music or religion, politics or crucifixes
I always lose them when it comes to religion
I was taught that when we had a strong belief, we'd never be lost
At least if we kept that path, and at most
If I could sit them down and explain that math, then we wouldn't be sold short
By the plethora of items deemed reasonable by the world
It makes no sense when people my age are having young boys & girls
So in turn, all I can do is be loyal to what I believe in
I have certain standards and I'll keep doing my best to keep them

When Dreams Fail

2008-09-11T18:43:00.003-05:00

Women always say I should try to prevail
Maybe I should see hell, come back and tell that tale
So I could impress them a bit
I just left a restaurant with two people I keep tightly knit
Though we go through our various shit
As we left, a woman read my name and I didn't look back
"Bye HAZE...", baby all I could do was laugh
Because I was either leaving with a joke, or a woman that could tolerate my smoke
A love for sadistic scarring of my inner throat
The lights were dim, she looked nice in that certain scene
But I don't want to take chances and thusly looking obscene
Didn't want to be an enabler of my fantasy
Or my latent dreams, because twilights don't make it so I'd want her as queen
Or me justified as a thing, mostly useless
Unless she wants to read my doubts and how I was ruthless
So now I'm sitting here looking stupid, my phone steady dying
Maybe I should've picked up numbers when my name fell on silence
Maybe I should've kept quiet, silently chuckled at how she said it
What if she was someone I knew, one I've seen naked
Love; maybe I see her highly respected
Maybe next week I'll come across her speech impediment
Because the only reason she said my nickname was because she read it
Or, knew she'd get that reaction with no past look back from the present

Fantasy

2008-09-11T02:30:00.002-05:00

I woke up with crusted over eyelids and tobacco teeth
Showered and repowered the physical, clean everything
Keeping plenty brains scanned, seems my neighbor upstairs
Part Cherokee is doing his rain dance, because the sky got cloudy
Looked over at my queen-sized and a tramp I met last night
I still willow-eyed with an ashtray parked right next to the bedside
Since she's under covers and I have a similar occupations I let it slide
I supposed there was not shame in forgettable sex, so I chose to hide
Scribed on a post-it note, "The exit is down the hallway to the right."
Picked up my wallet laying next to my dirty denim and pride
Had no emotion inside, so I figured I'd walk
Rolled an el with a close friend the prior sunset, so I figured I'd spark
Think about life and everything it has taught
Or tried to teach; and about all of the silly women that couldn't handle their reach
Saying that I wasn't one to keep, maybe he didn't matter
Then start hounding me, knowing I run them out faster
I mastered the games we played in high school
Played by all the right rules, and still came out with a loss
So as the rain poured, my hood pulled over my head to shelter my corpse
It's cool, the vegetation in my mouth didn't need to be relit
A woman once said to me, "She doesn't date rappers, that would make her a bitch."
So I said in retort, "I guess that's never why we'd work, so why try to quit?"
She said, "Noah, I'm looking for replacements for my exes adjacent."
I said, "Maybe you should try something you haven't seen yourself with."
So she sighed, told me to write... maybe one day we could be
With me waking up to that dream with nobody by my bedside

Well Wishing

2008-09-11T02:25:00.002-05:00

Can one be that simple?
Taking sips from the same river Judas was dipped into
Eating the same bread broken by Julius
Confusing it with joy when it was really only foolishness
Or cluelessness, wanting live in Beverly Hills for ages
Then going back to where I was born with none of my life's savings
Full circle, was a square living on a sphere
With a conglomerate of lame bi-pedals around me, I guess that's why I'm here
I just want to see where I was birthed again...
I just want to relive the youth and relearn some shit
I just want to travel back to Hawai'i and see the ones still stuck
Give them a taste of my pen, sit and we could converse about us
I just want to fly over the place I spent my fourth and fifth grades
I just want to see friends I haven't confided in since I was in the sixth grade
I want to see the wine women, the ones that got better with age
Maybe spark a bonfire over the dampened blaze... to see what me and her could remake

One After Another

2008-08-30T14:09:00.004-05:00

Baby, just keep it consistent
That's easy to state when all this while I've kept bitches in my circles
I'm not trying to merge you with the rest, trying to treat you like the best
Like I've... been subsided to nothing but all the less
Girl, just keep it consistent
Don't be stringent with me, I'm easily amended
I took a couple Physics classes, so if you need a quick lesson
I could show you the ropes of our volumes and masses
Shorty, just keep it consistent
Like every time you didn't before,
With every other man throwing rocks at your window panes
Ever since you met me, you haven't been the same
Chain-smoker that has a weird way with his words & feet,
No wonder why they call me HAZE
Love, just keep it consistent
Keep it realer than I've ever seen, like my beat breaks to floor glides
With the doors wide, and a ladder to reach the anticipation
So I can just climb up and knock to see you,
With no worries of your windows breaking

Mas o Menos

2008-08-30T01:17:00.002-05:00

Good God I've beaten the odds plenty of times before
Took women out of my humble home and closed the doors
Now arrogance resides and its tried to explore
Sub-level basements to rooftops, tightened screws to loose locks
Indecisive, but when the truth stops
I take everything in stride, kill lion prides with loose flocks
Harems of my exes still feel that their juice box
Is every man's thirst in a drought, but I wait for the rain drops
Celibate for three years strong, wanting to give temptation a chance
But fighting it with every time a woman comes up and asks me to dance
With a hip-hop background I haven't broke ground in five years
With a lust for my passion, getting back on ground is one of my fears
With an unclear future I'm feeling more or less like a loser
With dreams chasing me when I should be the pursuer
Should be feeling newer, but I'm aging at a quickened rate
Than most my age, so more or less I'm feeling like most of them can't relate
Then I say, "Chill N.A. pump your brakes."
Lusting late, loving too soon like I had my life backwards
Was loving life like life even mattered
Hating the ones closest to me, because they progressed faster
Now I've finally caught up, Elisa is asking to bear my children sarcastically
And there are at least three other women after me
I can't decide on a profession...
Become a professional or profess my skills naturally
In other words, bare my boredom or bear myself drastically

Seriously though, come talk to me.

All Relative

2008-08-18T21:30:00.002-05:00

Love and live life, do anything you wish
Wouldn't be depressing if you woke up and you didn't have it?
Life that is; like it flew right past you and you could grab it
Never taking the time out to sit down and catch all the silly rabbits
Always saying you're late with all your silly habits
Never scraping your plate and enjoying your meals
Never taking the time to relate to what another person feels
But you're willing to grip rubber bands and wear some steal
Never taking the time to smell the roses because Andre said they stink like shit
And never keeping pockets full of posies, just credit cards and your fix
Taking less time being around, you rather keep your make up
I mean isn't everything grand in Wonderland until you finally wake up?
Isn't everything planned until something starts to shake up?
It always happens, and trust me... no one is ever spared
So take the time out to ruffle your hair, and halt exterior looks
Because only the shallow judge people like they're covers of books

Speak Easy

2008-08-16T04:26:00.004-05:00

Bad luck made it hard to imagine seven years of bad looks
Only intrigued by women with beautiful covers that turned out to be bad books
Realized that when my figurative cash partook
Every image in the novels seemed to be my heart's crook
She said, "If the birds flock we could finally be together."
Try that for forever; and turn a man out of my monster
So come winter and the longer sleeves with my parka
I can only hope the dead trees I tried to save don't get sparked up
Writing each line in detail, trying to see Hell
Find the woman I need to find Heaven and live tell the tale
Because from Hawaii tropics to Florida profits
St. Louis dealings, LAX feelings to Vietnam... I plugged with a need to resocket
Seeing summer spring in autumn leaves, hurts my heart a great amount
Hopefully by the new fiscal year I can open a new bank account
Try to keep my hands wrapped around that one person that speaks smooth
A beauty to my beast; maybe the words she speaks soothe
True, and maybe the tone in my voice
Or the strings my heart play made all the past relationships leave soon
Sure, that's each tune -- same keys playing
Finally realizing I fucked up each day over this time span, thus my soul vacant
I was just looking for a replacement aorta
I was just soul searching for a one woman quota, but would get two
So when I was found out, I forced one
Easily left, too correct!
God damn I swear for a while I had twenty cents to each quarter
Maybe she's the one I need to keep my life in order

Yeah.

Extrahard

2008-08-13T09:59:00.004-05:00

I tend to be a beast when it comes to lyrical feats
Tend to revamp the game when my peers try to leech
Tend to reconstruct my frame when life feels like defeat
And death seems right, man I start scribing with the write hand
Hoping that I'm right man, keep pushing forward
Forget all those slow bitches, keep closing doors
Forget all the past like I passed all them before
Hearing everyone one of them claim they love me more than the next one
Trying to make me pick and choose between the best one
Because I may be close to broke now, but they know I'll be the next up
They see it in my haircut, lookin' like it's airbrushed
Having them clammer over me when they finally see my dressed up
No joking, I finally put the humble back
Seemed to find myself through writing about my troubled past
If that's not easy to see
Maybe hindsight is clearer when when you try to look back
Who am I, who do I be? -- been across four seas
Learned with time everything can be foreseen
Funny how they always 'of course' me, but later on when I ask them again
They act like my question hit the wind;
Like they never knew why they hadn't had floor seats
Maybe it's because they portray themselves poorly, but I doubt it
Saying they make money en mass like they landed on money without it
That makes nonsense, and niggas stay proud of it
C'mon man, we all know you're still childish

You Make Me Sick

2008-08-12T23:00:00.002-05:00

Women don't know how to handle a man like me
Does that scare you?, knowing that I might need YOUR room to breathe?
Some whom have experienced it, have called my love a disease
And are still recovering after they left me to find a vaccine
I find that a little hard to believe, I'm not that bad
Or maybe that's what I see, and maybe I just want you back
So I can hold your heart & lace you with truths
Taste & touch, then you can play your hand wrong once again
& proceed to play me for a fool
The way I look at it, is that YOUR love is the disease
And I'm here praying, begging, to God for an immunity against it
I'm the one to be SO quick to run back and eager to get SO sick
Breathe in stupidity through a stuffy nose;
Cough up pain, and with your love... heartache
Or what I think that is... because
My thoughts are diluted & drowned by the elevator music;
As I plan on walking back into the ICU
To the space with my name on the charts and hope that this is my death bed
Because that's where this man's heart yearns to be with your disease,
Sick inside YOUR hospital bed

Loving You A Long Time

2008-08-12T22:13:00.002-05:00

I went from puppy love hounding to keeping women around
Went from gaming bitches up to taking women down
Went from playing them to the left, to keeping myself right
Went from wanting hoes to wipe me down, to flooding them with lies
I was wrong for the last one, wrong for the past ones
Wrong for the cash runs, wrong for the stashed gun
Wrong for the fast loves, wrong for the stashed drugs
Wrong for the things I've become; when am I gonna do right?
Maybe it starts with you, when from the Blacks to Spanish ladies
Found out they were crazy, all of them wanted to call me baby
With no reciprocations, found some women with taste
So I settled with the best, classified as china-doll Asians
Trying not to revert back to the basics, God was giving me signs
Saying if I couldn't be the bomb, then maybe I could land mine
Writing lines expressing how I feel you in rhyme
Trust me ma, if this is real I'll be loving you for a long time

There isn't any stopping this, right?

Boxer

2008-08-10T18:23:00.003-05:00

There's some heavy shit on mind I need to try to explain
In twenty years, not one damn thing changed
It's beginning to feel like I'm truly insane
Or I'm sane, and people just aren't the ways they proclaim
Starting to feel like cutting my arms open again is the route to take
Just to see if I'm real, to see if this life is just fake
See, people feel they know everything
When they only see traits skin deep, only see when they want to believe
Well believe you me, I never thought I'd hit a woman
Never though I'd get caught in the heat of the moment
Let me rephrase, I hit a bitch... and if she doesn't believe it
I can recount more than twenty years she's acted like this
Am I wrong for retaliating to physical threats?
And I right for knocking the wind out of her chest?
And then shitting on the same man she made me with?
Only two punches, and they were down like their finances and shit
Like I'm just a dog, and they never tried to throw me a bone
Never believed a word I said, never let me in a happy home
Never took me under their wing, never taught me the ropes
Just expected me to do everything on my lonesome
I can tell you I've grown some, but they wouldn't see it
"Just leave us alone son", I hear those words be repeated
Birthdays were the worst days, I was never acknowledged
And I was always expected to be the precedent, maybe I'm going to college
Maybe my friends never thought I was polished
Maybe that's why they're never to be found when I need someone to politic
Or someone to just listen to my problems and swallow them
Give me some advice and let me digest and re-polish it
Maybe I'm the reason I can't see myself, maybe I'm hollow then...
Then why would I have all of these problems then?
This is just the tip of the iceberg, is that the shit I'm colliding with?
A Titanic in an ocean of disbelief, is that what these niggas are calling it?
Why are all the silly bitches with lips looking like coligen
The ones to climb on my dick, then ease off and never holler when
I want to squeeze their curves like that's what I know I deserve
They were all of African descent anyway, that shit ain't what I prefer
They say you live and you learn, I've taken in too much
I've smoked too much weed, all I've retained is my slang and my slur
I've forgotten better shit than these niggas have written as of late
Where's God when you need him? --
What's the point in religion when they say this is fate?
What's the point in faith when you've never had a bright time?
A moment of clarity, answering million dollar questions with no damn life lines
I'm just looking for the right signs, in truth there's no sign of me stopping
When I'm a fighter with a mean wrong hook, with no other damn options

Let Me Backlash You

2008-08-10T17:46:00.006-05:00

I break ties quicker than I can get a woman off my scrotum
I break bonds easier than how I ever hold them
It seems every time I try to get around the obstacles, I'm tore up
Despite the arrogant ego, despite me being focused
Despite me being the most potent, I'm always shot down
Always said to be spoiled, but it makes no sense when I have no money around
Feeling like I'm six-feet underground, and everyone looks down on me
Still breathing, everyone saying I only spit fallacies
And that shit always rattles me
Like I'm naive and don't know how the world works, niggas just trying to battle me
My best of friend left, what kind of pal is he?
My younger brother isn't looking down on me, guess I'm easily forgotten
No options other than to strap up and set out
Or open the books; try to struggle the next two years out
Write my emotions, let the pen bleed out
Try to remember the combination to the gun locker to pull the double Ds out
I'm a cobra... if you entice me, I swear you'll bleed out
And if you slap me, I make sure the mark is present
If everything is destined, then so was today
Who could give a fuck what a mother could say?
When in the hardest times she just turns herself the other way
Never to commend me for the eloquence I portray
But when the fights bring out the worst in me, and I lash back
She's just another pawn in my game, and then finally sees she's just a loosed hatch
More like an escape when I don't want to look back
More like a taste of what she was when she was young, look at how I react
So when I'm gone before you, and the other two seem disloyal
You're going to feel real fucked up that you never had my back

Whatever I Say Part Cuatro

2008-08-01T03:29:00.002-05:00

Like I'm wrong each time
Love them like I never left, hating how I break it down each line?
Feels like God started giving me signs
But I took the second road more traveled and put the exes behind
A couple were some treasured finds
But wasn't willing to dig for 'em
What's ready to strap up and let them sit in my lap
Wasn't ever ready to take fault for when I mentioned lies
Fuck that, I was two inches into my prime
Going to be here for a long while love
So take these rhymes, force a smile love
Because pride kills apologies, you should just accept what's done
Matter of fact you all should
Got bitches barking up my tree now days like I was dogwood
I'm tired of the false-hoods
I'm steady forgetting how all those laws look
It's like their pawns keep taking my rooks
Like my queen is always killing me, my bishops are shook
I hate when I'm called a liar, when I try to pacify her
And everything I wanted in a woman is took
She's just a desire
But I can't see any good coming from a sentence ending in 'sorry'
Probably, things could change but in parting
It all stays the same; losing my dame like a nigga from Marcy

(But isn't it whatever I say?)

I could replenish it
I mean the relationship, I could call her back and say, "Let's forget this shit"
But I'm too arrogant
Letting that get the best of me when she should
My mom starts yelling at me to be good
Pops telling me I did the right thing, just light up some reeferrrrrr
Maybe they're all correct in my stance
But it's so hard to come to terms when it feels like we'll both never fully understand
Pushing back plans
Like I had any made in the first place, nigga GOD damn
Ignoramus like a nigga, god DAMN
Lost a girl that thinks she knows me best, I came in second place again
Only after she came first
Only after I made thirst come to her
She's weird, and I'm just a loser
Literal sense, I'm just a loser

Ha.

Whatever They Say Part Tres

2008-07-31T15:17:00.005-05:00

I am so dope, ladies never understand it
Surprised when I stroke, because they didn't plan it
I'm an associate they could never manage
Because each one of them that crosses the sheet line;
Can't repair my heart's damage
Still baby, I try to keep myself clean
They say I'm dressed to the nines, like I'm on the big screens
Might revert back to the baggy jeans, fitted cocked side-ways
Never with my nickname portrayed, because I threw that hat away Friday
I claim every day as my day
Truth be told, I hate liars more than the winter without someone to hold
But I'll do it, despite my affiliation
My circle tends to lack a person in-tune with their soul, that isn't my fault
No woman around with a prefix abbreviation
I have no kids with a job, but keep attracting measly relations
Fresh with a chip on my shoulder and my chest
But with no one around to take away all that stress
Well... except my cigarettes.

Whatever You Say Part Deux

2008-07-30T20:33:00.003-05:00

It's hard not to contemplate how things could've been
And second thoughts never come across time and again
Sorry ma, we had a good run
Until I realized things we were only steroid driven, the battles are done
Separation on every degree is hard to fathom with us
Make or break, damn look at what its become
Whatever you say, my words are clearer due to my silver tongue
Despite no communication, funny how we were calling this love
It's all fun though
I never apologize for my responses, my pride dies down dumb slow
Especially when the one who said it to be gun-ho
Was reverting back to ways she knew back when the sex was grown
I'll give that to you, it was exceptional
But I need more than a woman to repeat themselves in my ear like a broken tape
Trying not to focus hate; but it's even harder to do that
When none of my words I write are came to appreciate
Every page I lace is a drug
Every page she scribbles is praised despite how the contradictions are bothered
All I really want is a woman with some sense of honor
Bonnie & Clyde type, one I could break a few laws with
Like us!, aside from the arrogance problems... lawless;
Playing Grand Theft Auto side by side trying to see who could survive the longest
On the phone each taking a step back after saying, "I love you"
To see who's sentence could reach the other the farthest
But I'm just wishful thinking hoping that whatever she says
Isn't appreciated by the masses more than what I write instead
Because her stanzas leave something to be desired
And mine are perfection embodied, but overlooked more than Poe's writings
God dammit, may as well scream well wishes
This'll be the last time you're mentioned, I hope everything works
Because when I start heading in reverse full-speed
I'm still bound to lap the niggas you tend to attract to your team

(But that's whatever you say.)

Whatever You Say

2008-07-30T09:22:00.008-05:00

We came to a close again
Now all I can do is reminisce on times when the relationship wasn't closing in
The times when we were cooler than autumn breezes
And hotter than birthplace in July, chilling all the type-odd sneezes
You know, when we were opposite speechless
Things change quicker than when the accountant deposits dollars received in
Now I take you in as only being a demon
Lustful broad, every third night had you rubbin' and fiending
Yeah, I kept track and told you I never felt the love lack
But left when the time felt like I'd never get your rightful love back
That's called collapse, never thought I'd see a day when you deserved
Someone better than prideful apologies and movement in reverse
You were a queen in my eyes, and I was a ruler
For what it's worth, now I can't even measure that woman
True times in truth's eyes make assured I would do you slickly
I know you'd be lying if you claimed you didn't miss me
We both know the arrogant crown tends to fit me
And the garments laced in steadfast haste never heavy my frame
The way I said your name had you sprung; you were
Always saying my silence was golden...
But rather hear words slur off my silver tongue
God dammit, now look at what we've become
Trying to erase each other out of the lives we both promised we'd merge as one
Eventually, I guess I'll never see that day again
I have so much to say, but that's for another time old friend

(Now it's whatever you say.)

This Is For You

2008-07-26T21:11:00.000-05:00

Jacuzzi's on blast, and there's really no rules
Lots of private lessons, I'm gon' climb on top of you
Then we gonna smoke an el, and then stop playing
We're gon' fuck so hard, that it might start raining
And I don't wanna be the one to turn you out
But that's what making love is all about

Baby,

So come around me, come around me, come around me
I want to go down deep until you drown me
Stay right there, and don't move
This is for you, baby

Baby kiss me, baby kiss me, how you kiss me
Just let a nigga know that you missed me
And anything you want, I'll do
This is for you, baby

Diamonds

2008-07-19T15:25:00.006-05:00

God damn, I'm easy to please
Sure difficult times come eventually
I can't front, I tend to stay blunt
Like skeptical niggas were wishing I'd be
Most silly women been wishing I'd see
All their true hues just as a colorblind dog
Marking my territory, barking up twisted trees
Never again to be seen walking near their lawns

But truthfully what are the odds?

One of the few residents laced in a city of gods

It's crazy to see the talent I'm walking among
But if you can relate to Ace, I'm a whole deck of cards
I'm not taking any shots
This is a breath of fresh air,
Call it Southern detox
Lately niggas been addicted to the words trees spark
Knowing they're letting fate write those lines
Watching doom come head on with it's impending signs
Amazing to see them all still dwell on the present like it's Christmas time
Unless they're not a Jehovah's witness
Unless they're not talking about a coupe with some bitches
Unless they're not into rapping non-fiction
I can't fuck with them!, I find myself to be too damn intricate
I'm too cold, call that a sick-ness
There's no amount of relief you can fix me with
Relatively soon I see you all as pirates
Taking shots at me with canons, but can you picture thisssss?
The inner circles getting tighter
The drama ending;
No one wants to be stabbed in the back-end
Chi-town rappers going platinum, and St. Louis six hours behind them?
I'm probably just cubic & carat dreaming
Trying to be a girl's best friend similar to all the diamonds they're fiending
I could be your frequent
Let me introduce myself, I'm HAZE, your entertainment this evening
Whether a standing ovation or leaving crowds speechless
I'll still be stripping my night cap down to her Victoria Secrets
Though sometimes it can fail
Only my time can tell
EVERYONE wants to be a rapper
Now to get the shiny things faster, everyone's a trapper
Been there before, I know the weight of the diamonds on my frame too well
So I guess I've got to drop gems like ChiZe did when he dropped jew-els

So I've got to drop gems like ChiZe did when he dropped Juelz.

She Loves Me

2008-07-07T01:37:00.002-05:00

My daughter died at four months old, she was only a fetus
Now she's sitting in a lavish throne and chatting with Jesus
The good die young, that's how the saying goes
Well I'm a bad dude, I can't be THAT opposed
Always crushing on the baddest hoes, thinking I was dumb fly
When the nicer women would approach, I always acted dumb shy
A nicer guy, even if I was fiending the way she moved
I could eventually make those feelings die
Within, sure I'd be surprised if she didn't come back
But then I catch my second wind;
Because niggas like to kick you when you're downbeat
So I just sound off when no one is around me
I don't want to be caught up with all that pent-up stress
I try to keep a level-head, she was like the psychopaths, yeah I knew 'em
But did she ever get well after we went to bed?
Did she ever clean off her knives after she would say,
"I don't want to live if you're leaving!", did her bathroom sink ever turn ruby red?
It did, & when she comes around every year she gets more deceiving
So I just feel stupid for flirting with a dying season

Flow Like Water

2008-06-28T05:48:00.005-05:00

Yes. . . and so we begin.

Let it flow free form from my mouth
Just a style I picked up from decades raised in the South
Let it be known quicker, let the phrases be sicker
Than what you've all been expecting me to be known about
Impeccable mind, on an unbelievable high
Walking by faith, bypassing silly routes
Whether or not I'm colorblind, storming through any weather
Though this tape signifies another drought
As the thunder claps and the synonyms strike
And the tides rush in, may this be the new-found love in your life
May it return to you where your third eye is silent on nights
When you feel down and out; like, like God didn't deal your cards right
Even if your foresight fails, learn from what's behind
History repeats itself for reasons, no lies
That would explain the lack of the fresh feeling this season
But I'm here now, rest those laurels (and disbeliefs kids)

No deceiving, even if only you listen to this track once
May it reach you in places only the shadows can touch
I can only hope you have enough respect in due time to say I'll always be blunt
Call me HAZE, I'll always be blunt
Roll me up, twist me, turn me up
Tilt your head back, lean, burn me up!
Don't be afraid to say you yearn me much
See that I'm not the type of guy to begin you on the metaphors verbally drug
But starting off on a good note, leaving on a bad one
Arriving right when the trash receptacle needs to picked up
A healthy young black male with a vision to rhyme around others with a sick strut
Women calling me, the rabies afflicted mixed-mutt
With a bite much worse than my bark, dealing out much worse than my scars
How could I come so far, with so little?
Funny how that pain riddles
How could I be paid in negatives when I've worked this hard?
When I've worked on climbing to this point for so long
Keep it up baby, no allowance of quitting to be on my team
And in truth, if that were to have occurred you wouldn't be listening
And I wouldn't be giving you gems
No skin off my back, no pneumonic jewels, your ears would be digging through wind

God damn!. . . let me stop spazzin'.

With a style grew out of the southern status
I can't help but explore the West, Far East, North, and other lesser known places
Some say they can kick it to you proper
Some say if you listen to my cadence, there's no other replacement
Taking cues from B.I.G.'s - Who Shot Ya?!
Sprinkling a little of 'Pac's - White Man's World, and Redman as The Funk Doctor
In the mix; you see some women in the past labeled me a monster
How do you see me still?; am I of stable mind or a Rasta's?
An ex-dope boy, one of society's problems?
Am I a depressed neo-soul child, with a broken heart and no walls to guard it?
Am I just tired of my peers saying I souled out?
Not sticking to the tradition of rappers under the Mason-Dixon
Am I writing it wrong, or am I saying it right?
Was I never cleared for take-off, or are you people ready for a flight?
Not just around this planet, but into the soul and the mind
Of the next best thing standing;

Yes love, I've finally arrived!

Remember The Times?

2008-06-27T03:22:00.003-05:00

Beating the block up with basketballs, cops staring at us
Trying to find a flaw, or some law to lash at us
Driving away and later at night, finding us and calling us little bastards
Playing with our minds with red dots, squeezing their trigger fingers at us
We weren't THAT sorry, poor black kids
Always found a way to make funds, some called it dope boy magic
Then again we never saved it
Always found better ways to spend the white faces, played rules by the basics
With society looking down on us, and the devil looking up
We always had to walk with a slight strut in our steps
Just so they couldn't exactly see which way our lives would be turning to next
We always kept that in the circle or within our own selves
Always coming of age, discovered writing as a secret passion
Sharing it amongst the most understandable, perfecting the fashion
Writing in codes that only we understood
Writing in ways that were optimistic, maybe this could make the future good!
Maybe see us do things legitimate, stop being such tyrants
Begin to live like each day were our last, no more affiliated gang violence
Walking down the sidewalks bragging to each other on who is the livest
Watching the younger kids breaking and playing with the fire hydrants
Then being humbled when the circle got smaller, give Janae a moment of silence!

. . .

Then beginning again, with the thoughts that could've been us in those white lines
Stopping the sell of white lines, with weed on my mind; I still remember the times

Lapping Myself

2008-06-23T03:35:00.004-05:00

With everyone, it's a different story
More like the same book, different covers
One of two genetalia, and different lovers
No siblings or some, maybe minus a father or mother
I'm in awe when my harem of hoes acts like they're not like the others
Like what chapters they recite to me would floor me
Sure, your setting is different, and sure your curves match your words
Make believe all the sentences are interesting, in reality they bore me
Most call me their love within their first week
Most want me to come inside them just off the slur in my speech
No touch, I don't have that far of a reach
I'd rather kick back, and let the swisher smoke loose than hear their screams
Or down a bottle of Grey Goose before they go down on me
Rather push the pedal down in the fast lane, before they talk dirty
In truth, I haven't met a queen
And the last twenty years flew past my soul's window so swift;
I thought I was living the American Dream
But naw, I'm just doing my thing
One silent step at a time, until I get to the point where it's --
'Major movement, or lose it'
Better let them go, or screw them
Tighten them up, until I don't want them anymore and watch their pussies...
Get loosened
My boys call me the future, I say I'm just reliving my imperfect past
In tenses that relate to years ahead of the rest
But they correlate that as
Haze's flow just being stupid, wanting to get me signed so I can better them fast
Like jealousy is just a treacherous step
And life is a synonymous task, I'm just a stone on the way to completion
And that makes sense more than anything written in the last twenty years
I must be looking at myself from my back about to pass
Like I'm about to pass

Railways

2008-06-22T10:20:00.002-05:00

I've never had one like you
Well except her, but she don't do the same things you do
Well, maybe she does; and maybe I'm attracted to you
Only because, of the things you do, when I'm with her; it's a thrill
But whenever that is gone, I'll have to back down
Let another man get their laugh on, maybe get a little of your passion
Get back on track, like I sort of derailed myself
On the way to the top, all I want is the belt
All I want is to be something I'm not right now
Nor in past experience, more like a beacon of good life
Showing that I'm in good health to reach the peak I want
Maybe I'm wrong for acting selfish, maybe I should just act reckless
Maybe I should speak to myself, fuck feeling helpless
In tune with my soul, just need to configure the strings
I guess life is a beautiful thing
But if that were true, I'd not lust for everything

The Philippines II

2008-06-21T05:10:00.005-05:00

Damn, how long has it been?
One year, six months plus; 12 days, 2 hours, and 36 minutes
I haven't heard your voice in ages
But you always come back, just to eye my literal changes
Want to see if I'm doing alright? -- fine
But when you're done, just lose my number, never pay me any mind
Because when did you really? -- always tended wounds to leave me behind
I'm sure you were sorry that love wasn't blind
But still, you were like the whole Philippines to me
Such a contradiction, because then you broke apart that idiosyncracy
It was ALWAYS on the brink with me
Sure I have some resentment built up, if you don't want to feel like shit let me be
If I'm acting bi-polar, why not just leave
Me on the phone stranded, no second chances, and no clear explanations
No standards; treating MY love as if it was a disease
That's cool to quarantine yourself, it would've been contagious
But why do you keep the letter and bag safe, kid?
Why call me out of the blue when everything would just feel stranger?
Why did you ever break my heart, why converse with a man
That you say never fucking changes, then act like it's the plan?
Why communicate with me all over again
When all you wanted to do, was see me in the same misery I've steady been in?

Tough Luck

2008-06-18T21:18:00.004-05:00

I know you've seen the term, or at least been acquainted
I'm just a king on the rise, with the blood of a sarcastic racist
I'm one of the best that's ever manipulated
All that glitters ain't gold, it's only nickel-plated
You can ask my exes, that reality is widely hated
Especially one of the most recent, even her dreams tease her
She's still trying to make me a believer, she isn't Jesus
And she isn't on my mind, too bad she cheated
Truthfully, she was one I would frequent
Even though I could see through her lies, she kept all of them real-time streaming
What a shame, she got subjected to the part of love she hates
The section where I get tired of silly games, and start to become irate
She couldn't correlate how she acted with how I backlashed shit
I mean, yeen Asian... open your eyes for goodness' sake
So when she reminisces or tries to get me angry
All I can say is everything is fine and dandy, any new relationships failing?
And all she can do is curse like it hurts my feelings
God damnit! -- I LOVE prevailing
Honestly, every time she cries over me, it feels like I'm para-sailing
Not a care in the world! -- she didn't care to do me right,
Then wonders why a nigga ain't caring!
You silly little girl, I hope your next relationship ain't too scary
Cause all I want you to be is happy! -- I don't really want to see your number
Shit gets so unforgettable, which is a bad thing, like my arrest last summer
It feels like every time you test me, you TRY to pull me under
Then I realize you're the one that can't swim
Goddamn... like you're the one that can't swim
And all this time, I was the one semi-stressin'

Hah.

The Sky Is Falling

2008-06-17T17:22:00.004-05:00

You could call me an up & coming living legend
Had to walk through hell, JUST to get to heaven
I swear with each beat I get a lot more introspective
And if I look at my life, I can separate it into little sections
Childhood years, getting beaten; teen years was getting weeded
Turning into a man with every built up secret
Used to spark lye on the dot every evening
Needed to stop, it hurt my love for the rhymes and the beats B
Every time they lay on my ears, they free me
Just like I had to do whenever a woman would try to cheat me
Each one saying they could complete me
Like they're the piece of a 2-D puzzle; ma, I do everything in 3-D
Carrying my city, the little kids are trying to be me
Picking up building blocks, just so they can say they aren't reaching
The mind state is fleeting, keep touching the sky
I swear you'll grow up to be like me, an average guy
That wanted more out of life, so I started redoing
Everything the devil ruined, when I walked through him
So I made the word splicings fluent
SO intuitive!
If you like the way Ace handled that song;
It'll be murdered by the time I'm through with it

Yes!

Jealousies

2008-06-17T04:53:00.004-05:00

They call me H-A-Z-E, the one who never makes up
Break ups, always trying to get off the ground with bad luck
Whether it be women of the world, or the temptations that I succumb to
I rap with real life characteristics, I'm arrogantly humble
And most people front when they come across, they stumble
Let my words pick you up, find the trail again and guide you
If you're lost, pick up the earpieces, let me find you
And if you can't relate, I suggest you start reading your Bibles
Either way, I'm feeling better than I was
Feeling better without the drugs, feeling better without the angel dust
I smoked her once, and never called her back
Rather I hit ignore every time she hit up my jack
She always pleaded that we should try and get back
Baby my first love has a purple heart with orange hair, I can't forget that
So she cried all night until I finally had to dead her
I'm sorry love, but I can't forget her
And she said...

Baby come back, I never thought I'd miss an us
You're my strength, you understand me, I thought this was trust
And you exhaled me with such a passion, I mistook it for lust
Why can't we get back to US?

They used to call me Cease, only because I quit smoking the weed
That was a stint, I found a woman I could call my release
But when they saw I had her fiending in the same prisons
They reverted my name, because I was the one who had her addicted
It was crazy, she was supposed to have my baby
But she never saw a problem when a teen pregnancy
True, so her mother threw her down the stairs, that turned out to be a bother
Now it seems I'll never get to see my baby daughter
God, so I went back to leaving the releases
And cutting out all the custom features
Lost my girl to the same thing I was against every evening
And kissed slowly when I knew I shouldn'tve been cheating
But still, she was the 9th wonder of the world in my vision
And who cared except us, I swear she loved that she became my jurisdiction
She became my prison, I couldn't let her go
When one left, she became a part of my soul
And she said...

I knew you'd never leave, how could you mistrust
The beautiful thing we had, the other woman had an issue with us
Who am I hurting, and who else really could tear an image of us
Apart when everything is so much better with your drug?

See, I stopped her again, picked up a pen
Discovered a gift that poured my blood, sweat, and tears on the paper
She ALWAYS called me, she wanted it rough
Like she wanted me to damn near rape her, but I could never do such
I'm too nice with the word splices
The re-erasings, and second and third triads, the bars and the beats
The lies I could fold into a new leaf
Niggas said I talk when I sleep, but I was really reciting future rhythms nonunderstandably
One day she wanted to marry me
And gave me a choice, it was her or one thing that would bury me
I chose the wrong thing, at least I think
At least I think, at least I don't inhale and instead write out my pains
She never learned the conscience is a beautiful thing
And I'm sure once in a while I'll need her to massage my temples
Let her pick at my brain, then give me sweet dreams
Only to write about her again after a rude awakening
And she said...

God.

They Just Keep Coming Back III

2008-06-17T00:19:00.003-05:00

Look love, I know we broke up on bad terms
And I was in a rut, I was hoping you wouldn't fall in love with my features
My previews must've been interesting enough for you to stay around
When really I didn't want to be down
We started when your last man's flow got retarded
Didn't even feel right, because we were fucking before you two even parted
Flirting with your physical like I did ever girl before
Because even though I'm ugly, my words get adored
I'm easy to please, but when I start to go on tours
All the women just lay it out for me, until I don't want it no more
You figured I was clever, noone does it better
Really, but I can't stay if I can't see me storming the weather
Trying to stomach raindrops with no sign of my umbrella
Knowing my weakness is not understanding or being late to your lectures
I sometimes called you the professor
Labeled myself the student, maybe I could learn from her how to love better
It happened in small amounts
But I had to drop out, that always happens when I start feeling the pressure
I'm sorry we can't be together
I'm not even mature enough to wear a sweater, so I ring wouldn't look right
And if I can't sing the hooks right
I guess I just need to move on, unlike the others before the other hook rides

They Just Keep Coming Back II

2008-06-17T00:12:00.002-05:00

I swear you were my therapy, at least for a week
I swear you never expressed you wanted me in the sheets
Sure, I remember all the 'I Love yous' you threw
Saying it in such a synchronized fashion, all it missed was the beat
E, you were something to lose
And something to gain, but that's something you never let me choose
See, I used to be into you
Now it's just pitiful, seeing you spread to any dude into you
Letting niggas get into you
Touching on more than your heart, or soul, or your bangin' physical
I hate being literal, but why lie
When you haven't so many other times?
You said I shouldn't let shit stress me, that seemed kind of hypocritical
Especially when you did the same when we got pivotal
You're something that I'll always regret
Even though it'll take time to erase our history and act like we never met
Like, if niggas were spitting acid
I was spitting ether; you sleeping on me, no wonder I'm a backseater
Funny how those slow times got dumber
And all I wanted was to be of a higher rank than your lovers

They Just Keep Coming Back

2008-06-17T00:04:00.003-05:00

Here I go again
Love me or leave me alone, leave me alone swiftly
If you can't move your feet that quickly
Make way toward your home, or whichever happy house you sleep in alone
You see, things have changed a bit after you first left
Only thing steady are my steps, I swear that's a curse at best
But, we were never happy; why do you insist
On bragging about your other exes, squeezing your trigger fingers at me
Like, I don't know you got around harder than they did
Like I didn't know you wanted to have all of their kids
I swear, unfaithful bitch
It was like we could break up, and I'd be happy to never see you again
But you'd pop back and check in, just because my sign said vacant
Just to see if I was stashing a girl you didn't like in my lower floor basement
Like, we never saw changes
I saw you leave with such ease, I felt my heart start breaking
Naw, never cried over it
And don't say I never really cared, I just didn't feel you were ready to ride for me
But that's another story
In a couple years, I do expect to flip through channels and see your ass on Maury
But if it doesn't, be happy you don't have the 'Clap' yet
Be glad you haven't spread your legs to the wrong baby's dad yet
And I'll be on the other side of the Earth
Trying to figure out what type of woman I prefer

My Only Aunt

2008-06-16T22:32:00.003-05:00

There's too much emotion, and too little I can write
There's too much to refocus, and too little I can fight
Sometimes I ask myself why, other times I ask when
Sometimes I see the light, most times I see sin
More like smoke it, you saw me on those curbsides again
Told me the black and milds shouldn't light in the California winds
They'd scar me, and they did
But I had already started, when things go for the worse I keep walking
When I heard you passed, the shit was shocking
And I can't say I don't miss you, because I do darling
I remember when I ate all the shrimp off your plate
It was a family dinner!; Auntie, you shouldn'tve been late!
But when I heard things weren't so straight, I almost happened to break
Tears began forming, naw Noah, go back to your nickname
See things were strange, and info wasn't given out properly
Then I found out a few named people tried to con you out of properties
And they got the numbers I usually lock in, Eyleen
And it hurts to know when I last saw you that everything seemed serene
All I can say is I'm happy the last thing I did was hug you
Say everything was peace, walked onto my bus and yelled back, I love you!

I swear the people that did this, are half this country away from being undiscovered.

Preparing For HOMEcoming

2008-06-11T21:12:00.002-05:00

I met her when I was a shy nineteen years, old
And what I loved most, she had so much soul
Whenever we spoke, niggas could see how I glow
I never smiled before her, and both us know
But I was too into my own ways of thinking
I'm pretty sure she was didn't understand that evening
Like maybe her boyfriend was drinking
Knowing I smoke, but not downing three whole bottles, no blinking
I guess her mindset was too old for me
And I was just wasn't fond of letting her grow on me
Could let her grab a hold of me
Settling down doesn't feel right yet, maybe I was just wanting to be lonely

Man... fuck this.

Six Years Deep

2008-06-10T22:26:00.003-05:00

If I kept playing Russian roulette with all of these women

Loyalty strikes!; baby where you been at?
It's been crazy these last six years, where you been at?
It seems you left with my dying daughter, all of these women
Didn't love me the way that she would've, no one could know how I could've
How I got stabbed over her, none of this shit could be thought up
And it's crazy how I survived through the things that I was brought up
You should've seen the things I bought her
Instead I waited, everyday hoping I'd see my car get balled up

If I kept playing Russian roulette with all of these women

I'm not the hype, and haven't been for 3 years
I never understood why people tattoo'd tears, now I do
I never understood why I didn't cut consistently, now I do
I never understood why I gave feminine names to material things, now I do
My knife, I call her Malia & she's my everything
She glistens of me when she touches me, are those just the blood stains?
Or does she really FEEL my pain, or induce it?
Or is it my brain? Maybe I'm being too inclusive

If I kept playing Russian roulette with all of these women

I'd be in the same stages, traveled through the same fucked up places
And still be here in the present
I'd still be reminiscent over the woman that plagued me
The one that now happens to lapse calling me baby for nigger
The one that wants me to pull triggers at my brain
Because sometimes I'm too brainy, and life's too grainy
Maybe she understands that depression's my baby
And forever will be, no room for a woman when my lifestyle's hazy
No room for her, if she feels the same way
No point in trying to change me, best the same broken man that I've been
Indulgent in a life of sin, go back to waylaying
Anything at my path, that helps or parlays me
Keep anything that's slightly phasing
If anything is too intricate, to the wayside it goes
Until memory lane turns red, like the rivers of my soul
May she hold my heart until it goes, or waste it
Fuck all the time wasted, sorry I wasted it

The Soul Speaks Out

2008-06-10T19:09:00.005-05:00

After two cuts, I can't feel the pain anymore
Shit never changes, nothing's real anymore
When I see my eyelids, the demons still ruin decor
My temple isn't even a place to live in anymore
Life has been horrible for a streak of one score
Not a soul listens to this one, what's the point anymore?
The knife has one, so does the beretta
No other comparisons touch it any better, nothing else new to report
I was born of a blissful marriage, something of the sort
Until my father was found out, infidelities on over-seas tours
CDs were shattered, one notably being Illmatic
My mother beaten, and because I watched, I got the brunt of it
Beating a child for the fuck of it
Stop that, I can beat myself up, not a soul loves this one anymore
Some may say it, but they never meant the words
Some may have meant it, but they never put those words to use
I guess my body is just a vessel that I'm willing to lose
I mean the points tally up, life is up by 19, I mean look at the score!
I'm just the most foolish fool, one of these years, when will I win one?
Maybe I should be a flagrant liar, all I've been speaking is truth
Maybe spare feelings, begin drug dealing
Hope I'm ratted out, carried out to maximum security, then dead in the system
I'm already lost, my mind is already a prison
I can't stand to see anyone near me,
All I enjoy is splattered blood on my bathroom fixtures
All I like is feeling not of this life
For all I know, I'm really the Anti-Christ and it hasn't kicked in yet
I feel like my blood is still soaking
I feel like I should've already been done hoping, still living in dreams
Maybe my goals are too broad and they need refocus
I feel like my mind should be found,
I should load my gun and blow this bitch wide open!
Just to make sure it's really not there and I should be searchin'
I feel like I'm dying every minute, find myself beginning to ferment
Maybe I'll grow out of this rut!
I thought I'd stop living in dreams, nevermore a blissful fuck
Maybe I should just read over how she made me feel
Maybe I shouldn't go out and kill every year on the dot
Maybe I should just plot my actions instead of losing my traction
Whenever I'm trying to get in havoc, why can't I just be shot?
Intentionally pray it happens, why can't my heart just stop?
I've been smoking for six years now, why isn't there anything wrong with my lungs?
Why can I overcome anything that I want?
When I NEVER want to, why is this shit so plausible
Why can't I see any of the causes, duke?
Why am I always labeled as the problem, why am I always trying to solve it?
Why am I still trying to speak to Harlem?
Why is Maria half a continent away, I thought she wanted to pick out my coffin
Why are all my friends still sitting at home starving?
Why am I eating max capacity, but still feel famished after starting?
Why do I feel half past retarded?
Why do so many women up and leave, or better yet, leave when I start to marvel?
Why does my circle not exist anymore, but I want them?
Why does everyone but me see that I'm overreacting?
NO! This is 20 years deep of life trying to fatally attract me
You live through me, and you'll see how one can be so unhappy
Why does everyone try to rape me of my feelings, then try to attack me?
Why do I feel like I'm the five-man team with in total ONE worn out athlete?
Why does no one listen when I say, I just want to talk very badly?
When all they do is shrug and walk the other way like they're doing it gladly...

Pick And Choose

2008-06-10T13:42:00.007-05:00

Which is better? Living life in glances, or not having second chances?
I guarantee you both are the same
Which one is better? Living life like me where NOBODY knows your name,
Or being subject to the pain?
Both are the same, and I can't take it any longer
Really thought I could fight it off a couple more years, I truly thought I was stronger
But I guess the strongest aren't really the strongest
And the ones that claim they're the hardest, are living fallacies regardless
I guess I'm, just a little too honest
My arm still burst open last night, I guess I... just felt like my death was a promise
Still is, especially when
I'll finish this bottle, and have no one to look-up to when the knife opens my skin
When will the stress ever end? With all my criminal paths
When will they just see I'm not the same him, why not just leave me to relax?
Why not, just leave me so I can bleed out like it's my last
Maybe in a couple days it will be my last
What do I really have?
I mean, what do you see that I REALLY have?
Maybe I'm just different, maybe this is an anomally
But niggas said it gets easier, where is this BULLSHIT you niggas promised me?!
God damn, where's my father, B?
Where's my mother? My brothers? It kills me because I gave them all of me
And I got nothing but the drama leaf, why ask why I smoke?
You know what you've done, and I've just taken heed to how my karma speaks
From being beaten to bloody pulps at age 4, to women leaving me in hopes
Of finding a man that has something he wants to live for
To niggas putting pressure on me to go back to playing god
Gun chases, drug dealings, & court cases;
All the way to friends saying I'm the problem
To relationships that fail because I'm mentally retarded
I say I love you, but not ready for us
True stories never allow me to bask in anyone's glory,
It's just more drama being started
What goes around, comes around
I guess being physically beaten...
Has just translated to my mental every fucking evening
I guess my knife is my only best friend
Saying that she doesn't want to live if I leave
But never grinding herself down into silver specks
I guess I'm just being foolish again, no woman would ever claim they love me
See this, then actually try to fix my chest
Try to figure out what's next, before seeing obituaries
Shrugging their shoulders, then moving to the next man's steps
Truthfully, who says Karma is true?
Find yourself a noose, there's no such thing, I'm the living example
So, 151, please love just take me back to when I was being careful
And the left side bled too, from the workplace scalpels
Who needs a body? My soul could live without you
Haze's presence around is so damn doubtful.

The Glass Shattered

2008-06-09T23:28:00.003-05:00

Tonight was an eternity, I've never seen so much blood
The funniest thing was, it wasn't just from my right forearm
See the past two weeks have been trying
Goddamn my writing, it hurts with every word I scribe
Maybe another swig of the 151 will help me enjoy this ride
God, I LOVE YOU Depression, where have you been all my life?
My Aunt died, I smoke in heavy doses, my family moved farther,
My mind is lost, and niggas have been hitting my god daughter!
Motherfucker, did you know that was my daughter?
I'm more of a father to her than Dre ever is, I know you've heard of me
The same way that little nigga Marcus did when he was fucking Tahj
I broke BOTH his knees, and threw bleach in his eyes, I bet he still loses sleep!
So when I heard Emoni was getting beaten
I owed Dre a favor, so I drove around with Ms. 'Nina
She was in the safe for 2 years, I knew I couldn't leave her
So I figured if niggas ever got missy, I would announce my demeanor
So 151 and some reefer, I was driving with my eyes shut
Fuck life, when does death become a highlighted feature?
Basically, we catch him beating them again
Bad situation, caught a nigga on candid camera
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Put ether in his nostrils, and we drug him to the same ditch
We buried the niggas that almost slit me last year
Dre was so mad, as told by his reaction
The nigga was still one man when you looked at him, but cut into little fractions
I've never seen so much blood
I dropped him off in my silly haze, and fell in love
She greeted me with the same chords she did before
Tempting me to slice two veins with my pocketknife in my right forearm
No need to scar your left again, let's stress release you
And if death won't take you yet, and you're single, I'll relieve you
Even when your exes change their ways to now hang in circles you don't want to be associated with
You begin to think about problems
You sister is half a continent away, as is your first love
The weed always fades away, and the Asians are quicker to forget you than when you started
So bandage up, no time to reminisce on the gashes
Because in due time, those will multiply into not allowing those same people to come backstab you

Piece By Peace

2008-06-09T02:31:00.005-05:00

I'm losing my mind each tick of the clock's movement
If it's going to happen, stop teasing, just let me lose it
It seems foolish, but when you're me and been through each corner of the room
At least a dozen times pacing, insanity begins to consume
I can't even feel you, reality doesn't screen fools
I can't see you, only in shades of grey, in light what else becomes true?
I only raise my voice when I begin to speak to them
It never happens the way I predict it, I always speak THROUGH them
In time, music seems pointless, it's all the same
What tune will the beast be soothed in, in six years, hasn't one miniscule changed
I only talk to myself so I can further elaborate
How do I voice so much PAIN?
This is a war that I'm finally losing, that's funny
Maybe Hell is what I'm FINALLY pursuing, none of you ever really loved me
You all just wanted to take myself from me
Selfish masses, it takes much practice to make one of my descent feel bummy
The skies are on a hot streak, but in my vision none are sunny
The ground is cracking, a staple when my feet feel clumsy
Maybe the knife should've taken soul, that fateful last lifetime suddenly
So I wouldn't have to contemplate taking my own life from me

As The World Turns

2008-06-09T01:41:00.005-05:00

None of you should be of my concern
Non-fiction; maybe you should live with me, then you'd learn
Maybe a lesson isn't taught to the student by the teacher
But the student to himself, the other figure is just a pleaser
Or maybe just a believer, though Athiest
Maybe a rich, but a dirt poor financial analyst
Maybe a bitch with nothing more than a child she can't feed
Because the drugs tempt her toward the path of greed,
Forget the food for the babies
But who not sows the seeds, reaps ten times quicker
I wish I were so lucky death would cry ME a river
No pity, and I feel some are disappointed I don't take hold of this city
And just grind in twist her in the same way I do to my phillies
Relieve myself of the pressure and just troop it
You know it's beef when a smart nigga like me gets stupid
I become much more ruthless when I've got the toxin in me
And I can't help but see all the lies that tend to fill me
When women speak, I no longer take heed
When family calls to arms, I no longer wield my leash
Because when I look around, it looks like a troubled time to be sparkin'
I'm always outnumbered, why would I try to be a Spartan?
Why when my bloodline runs deep, I see nothing but the martyrs?
Why keep the cause of death secret, when she had a drug problem?
Why write past the margins when no one but my eyes read it?
Why even keep writing when I'm what no one believes in?
I'm not one people like to frequent! -- why do I struggle with demons?
Where's my baby brother at? -- I thought you would help when I'd need it!
So tired, and I'm trying to touch the sky
But every time I'm called a liar, I resume how I used to expire
If you've ever read anything, you've seen nothing
Trust me, no one can touch me -- no more sighs, I don't even feel myself breathing
Is that bad? Should it feel right that my progression gets even?
When all one does is move back into the same stances as when he was drinking...

The Only One I Trust

2008-06-09T00:40:00.007-05:00

I'm back again love, I see you're still in red lace
Still thinking of how I touched your skin, love?
Asking me how my fingers could translate something across your frame
So proper, almost as quickly as the drugs I exhume
You've seen what I was, what I could be, and what I became
Strange times with strangers, call for new lines of measures
Your pale white skin looks so good against the black thoughts I recall
From your scalp, over your breasts in free-fall
I stand in awe in your free-form, you're a canvas for my taking
All I need is a pen, and you become my new best painting
I don't just write for the thought of rap
I write because my emotions are what music sounds like when I run the tapes back
I'm sorry if I pressed down too hard
I'm sorry if these tattoo'd words scarred you across both your margins
With every letter, don't you feel closer to God?
Who else could possess such a talent? --
You can search, but I would pity your odds
And you can flirt, but I've worked too damn hard
To let you rip away from my creases, and let you find your theatrical heart
Because truthfully, I've been left by much too many
And I've spent too many fortunes over a penny
I've had my closest turn deafeningly silent;
When their hands lacked word of who tempts me
And only to whisper sweet sorrows in my ear when the knives began twisting
Maybe that's why I love you so much
You have no hands to stab me with, no feet to leave me gladly with
No mind to try and ravish me with
And no mouth to spread lies or other fallacies to present
I suppose that's why I love you so much
Because my hands molest your body,
In ways men have only dreamed of when haunting
Because my eyes rape your curves until the sunrise
Because my mouth speaks truths in sequence,
And you hate how they lie near your spine
I know that's why I love you so much
No other reason to find a woman, if I have one I can rush on decisions
Manipulate in ways, I've only dreamt in my fanatical lust
To only stash her away in quiet remorse when I realize what I've been living
I know that's why you're the only one I trust

Continued

2008-06-08T11:22:00.002-05:00

Why am I meeting SO many back stabbers?
Why when I'm about to crash, I go faster?
My past is a disaster, and when your house is see-through
Learn to close your eyes in case the glass shatters
Just sayin', it's ALWAYS a million more pages
When my stupid ass keeps thinking I'm on the last chapter
No tit for tat, I'm not equipped for that
Even if the depression inside is so flagrant
As I get older, I keep getting sick of rap
I want to call it quits, but a nigga couldn't picture that
Harder to stomach when I haven't even started yet
But the closest dreams are always the ones hard to get
Sometimes I think my words fall on deaf alley cats
When everybody really can't relate, all these listeners are aristocrats
My brother looks down on me still, that's the way it's been his whole existence
Only because I've been the one to carry on traditions
That's bad, and I can't front like a nigga had a dad
When he was there, but no disciplines made it seem like shit was go & grab
My mother doesn't love me the same
And it's only because with life begins a new coming of age
Everything is repeated, if not the secrets in a whole other fashion
It's what a nigga believes in
My other brother looks down as well, or rather looks up
I know he sees how much life is tempting from Hell
When women do nothing but carry death between their legs
And the males do nothing but brag about the scars others put on their face
The same thing I used to keep on my shoulder portrayed
Vivid images of what I became every time the mirror writes my nicknames
The girl I once had, isn't who I once had
And to be honest, I'm just as difficult
When I feel lost inside my own physical, and my mental disappears
It's a marvel I can still write with a reserved care
I ain't going nowhere, but next stops are the next flops
Critics in libel, by the way he speaks we already know the shit knocks
But only because the shit's not
If you don't get it, find yourself a way to forget this
I just wish Maria would come back to the street where I'm living
I truly miss her in ways no man should feel when he isn't forgiven
She used to cry my name on the phone when life threw her a curve
Because she fucked with the same men with the childish ways to learn
And I messed with the same women in which I had no returns
No receipts, no time to beef -- they got on white lines, I wasn't their concern
With no more ounces to burn, I can do nothing but hope the black & milds soothe
In relation to the way my lungs yearn
I just wish she'd come back so I could forget all the bitches
And so me and Ivan would talk again due to us having a common interest
I mean, that's his sister -- and Vanessa has ghosted
I just don't want to talk about how we used to run business
How every Thursday greed filled the eyes I helped to build
In the same way, helped to deconstruct and kill
Then have them fight off their own will and go after their rights
When niggas really should've left in the middle of the nights
Sometimes shit JUST ISN'T RIGHT
And I can't see when people come crazy from my color-blind-side
I figure this is MY time, if anything tends to repeat
I put older records on my soul's beat
The place where all the FOLKS meet, I was one of them
And I can't help but remember the handshake and times we were all of kin
That broke down faster
Niggas trying to save it with a product of baking soda & elastic
I had the shit MASTERED, why wouldn't niggas ever give a listen?
Why wouldn't I just move on & give in?
I should've when I remember the times, but in reality
Everything just plays in a constant frequency in my mind
As time continues, the thoughts get more sickening

Reciprocal

2008-06-07T23:40:00.003-05:00

I guess I lied a tad, don't label me yet
I said I would write to you, and when you read this... you don't have to write back
I remember in 3rd grade with my first crush, I was dumb shy
Though I was dumb fly, when a girl gave me butterflies I didn't know how to react
And through the years, I still had a problem coping
Hoping that one day my father could clearly explain my emotions
After six years of being heartbroken, I collected the ways of the wicked
In such a timely fashion, most would think I was a work of Poe's latest fictions
Or they were appalled at how quick they were mastered
They way I could break hearts with ease;
Then laugh when women called me a bastard
That shit didn't really factor, I thought it was a game
And whenever fury erupts, those faded memories become as clear as the next days
So when I say what I feel, most times misdirection is present
Past imperfect, and I still revel in my ego -- my exes call me arrogant
It fits in certain sections, in other places I'm growing out of the word
And when YOU came along, you were nothing I deserved
But one minute after the next, primal instincts kicked at me
You are my high, never wanting to succumb to the gravity
The things you say, make them easy to place
I don't care what the words are, every syllable reads as if you'll stay
No lies, and may I never forget your face -- don't hide
Because in due time, I'll be to the track in the RIGHT; and I'll be down for a ride
No guilt involved ever, events happening before the storms I want to be in
Are nothing but actors holding notes with only dramas written
So when PSA was read, and things were realized
I hadn't spoke to anyone but you those early April-shower nights
Because when a title is given, and I'm subject to it
Everyone else is erased, I'm a clever dude...
Doesn't keeping hoes around SOUND stupid?
Whatever I said I meant it, but don't ever act sly
Saying my words wouldn't have the same effect if it wasn't the same guy
Because truthfully we see eye to eye
And I still make your soul twitch when your phone rings, to my surprise
Your eyes light up, at least like the sunrise
I haven't said it in a while, fuck the short-term of my mind
So in this present time, sorry for the misdirected anger I portrayed
Let me rephrase; I still love YOUR soul to this day