Big Brother

Hey how are you doing?, I'm glad we still talk
And how you fill me on the happenings around your vicinity
How you fold your hands and you speak to me
Fill me in on things you feel in which you should be destined to start
Ecstatic everytime you send me a message
I've been wondering how mom's been doing ever since that miscarriage
I still see her face from time to time, she looks so happy in this space
I even remember more vividly than you, your birthplace
It's been sometime since you've seen the worst case, is Miles alright?
I remember when kids made fun of this name and you told him it would be alright
I would've done the same if I was there, top three kin in any county
I know it still brings a tear to your eye when you reminisce on life without me
You moved, I moved with you from one side of the world to the next
I even remember the hill you talk about in Biloxi that mom always laughs at
Because she's right, but I'd be on your same side
But when dad steps in, and he agrees with mom, we don't let it get to our pride
Or how in C. Springs you were touching the sky!
I know you felt me a little closer than usual, all those built up emotions inside
Then in Hawaii where everything went wrong, but still the time of your life
I couldn't front, I was jealous I wasn't there to act live
Being you were the chilled type, and sat on a throne
The same jealousy I had multiplied across people not in our bloodline
You prayed they'd leave you alone...
Until the day that kid Jim hit your shoulder with the knife,
You didn't know how to react
I was the one who whispered incoherently to your friends to help keep you intact
I remember how you cried when Liz said Micah left
And then left you in the process;
I know you still relive that time to find a way to fix it yourself
Then the tropic island breezes passed, and the same ones came back
Good!, I don't like the cold weather;
Thank my boss for keeping the relocations on track
That bay was a whole new perspective on your shoulder, in fact
That's where you started to write, personally I love how you read & steady relapse
Truth be told when Camille died, that was the first time
You saw a dying body, granted Aunt Betty -- but her time was also hinging on life
That screwed you up for quite a time, Shuntel was the same
But only because Tae didn't let you know to your face until you confronted him
No games, the friendship never plummeted
That's real, forgiving & forgetting is the only way to stomach it
So St. Louis was the new home to be soon
In your dreams I always told you to be cool, keep an open mind, don't be a fool
New experiences are nothing to sneeze at, they're nothing to lose on this Earth
They help rebuild what some parts were destroyed by Lucifer
The first year was a tad uneventful... aside from mom wanting a divorce
Just so she could go back to Florida and pursue what she wants
That made your heart break, just the thought of losing the most influential woman
In your life to this date, I know it made mine do the exact same
They struggled, I saw dad cry a couple weeks in a row every night
It made me break down seeing such a strong man feel helpless that far in life
But they overcame, the next year you were slacking on your letters
I saw you embrace scorn and vain, you thought that made relationships better
Being as you had seven at one time was a change of pace,
It also changed the weather
The snow hit in your Junior year and some things got severed
With little Alex in your lap, just catching up with family
A voicemail came through that the prospect was cheating... how damaging
Lost our connection, depression stepped in
Changed again, back to wicked ways friend...
Drugs & pushing, overbookings, overlookings, & guns and malice
Fights & backlashings...
You have a scar on your left forearm to prove you survived those battles
I never told the parents, but word of mouth traveled
But flew past their ears, their first born could never be so feared... maybe
So Senior year passed, with no lovely lady
College being the parallel, I know it felt like Hell but sex isn't to be accustomed lately
So then Santana loved and left you
You thought she was special, same with Aliciana and Vanessa
Maria was cool, but left for San Diego, now she goes by her middle name
"Gloria", damn things got so strange
Relationships decayed until a few buddies that you used to push with
Came back to the city to act all ruthless
With that came a false-pretensed murder, some mergers
Money from who knows where, and other stipulations not to be said
It felt like you were dead, and who is to say you weren't?
After all the events that occurred I can't fathom you not being hurt
This went on for a year... sure
But when you said you didn't want a part of it, life seemed a little more secure
I remember when that lady ran that red light
Almost took your life, you're lucky the gas pedal didn't stick that night
You said to yourself over & over again, why?
Like you're getting a third chance to do things right
So I'm still anticipating your next message, I know we've been recently speaking
Talking about how you dropped the silly systems and all the foolish Puerto Ricans
I watch as you talk to Mai, you did well
I don't know how you found her, but I swear you prevailed
So when you need to talk, I'm always here -- you know I love ya
You make me proud; trust me that's ALOT coming from someone you call your first younger brother