Ifs, Buts, Ands, Ors, & Maybes

Maybe I'm HAZE, maybe I'm not
Maybe I'm blazed, if so one should just let this coast
But if I'm not consider it neo-soul & listen to the prose
Or let one speak to the mind through the smoke
Maybe I'm lost, maybe I'm in a direction I don't know
And be that the case, may I find a compass and take a shot for the road
Or let the esophagus relax when the mind has been taxed
To the point my legs won't walk anymore
Maybe I'm at a point of transaction with the one I love most
Maybe I'm taking a loss, when I know I could be lessing the costs
But I can't be effective at a coast
Or productive with a thought of a ghost that I feel every time I toast
Maybe the ends justify the means, if so
That would reconcile the reasons the cigarettes are lit close in succession
Maybe the weapons are words from afar, but up close
My will doesn't find a way to physically express the emotions this body calls home
Maybe I've only dealt with long distance relationships for a while to cope
Maybe the pain is eased away with every woman slain
But in retrospect all there is are complaints I'm a man who loves slow
Even though the words pour from my mouth at the same time their's does
Maybe I'm wrong for waiting for this woman I call love to single off
So I could claim her, maybe I'm wrong for feeling like she's an award
But if my patience isn't commended, who knows what I would've done
To get her closer to the god like the cross in act one
Maybe I'm still acting out my emotes
And craving a woman situated around my loc
Maybe I'm just feeling a bit drifted due to the fact we're miles together
And forever seems shorter than the distance that separates our hearts
Maybe I'm on the verge of overdose
If I'm pulling myself back, I always tend to ask what I have to live for
Maybe family if they knew me, or friends if they weren't fooling me
Or maybe even the woman in my life, if I felt like we were to be
Maybe I'm speaking out of a two-cent spread sheet
Or my depressed thoughts on a six-year old looseleaf, maybe I'm parched
Maybe I want to wipe the slate clean and begin again from the start
With full consciousness of my actions before breaking my world apart
Maybe Noah doesn't really have a heart
Maybe he's just the shell of a man after Micah left him with scars
Maybe he's unhappy the marks faded on his left forearm
Because it signifies those times are over and gone
And sometimes he can't help but reminisce on his daughter
And her mother, and how life would've been so hard
But easily tamable with the legacy alive, knowing one had a problem
And he solved it, best of his ability with wide-open arms
Maybe I'm looking for a replacement
Maybe I'm not, maybe I'm hoping I align back into being adjacent
Maybe this is scaring her, maybe she's dreaming of our start
But the most wild thing is, I don't remember how we came to be us
Maybe it was the ways we'd stay up late and she'd technically be cheating
If you know what I mean, you'd understand the tainted reality I call love
Maybe it's wrong, maybe I'm not supposed to love someone I broke apart
From a relationship she should've handled on her own from the start
Maybe I missed the mark, maybe not
If I did, I'd still find it easy to pack up and relocate to another queen
The hardest thing recently has been the fact I'm obscene
And not treating her like the way she's supposed to be
Maybe I'm steadily overthinking, women still tempt me
And I take it, want to pay rent for me as my life tenant
But that scares me, to see that I'm two months from twenty
And feel as if I shouldn't have a sign up saying I'm non-vacant
That still bewilders me to the point I think Elisa is my one
Let me rewrite that...
Maybe Elisa was the one, and I fucked up and destiny is spinning
On a collision course with demise dealing in every relationship I've been in
Maybe it just isn't my time
Maybe I'm not suited for a relationship with so much down-time to think
And not a Cancer attempting to relieve stress with supposed cancer causing agents
Maybe I'm truly a Gemini and this excerpt proves it
Maybe Aliciana was to be the love
Maybe I cross her mind every now & often
Maybe I'm still in her eyes when they soften, the one she finds truly sickening
But looking back with 20/20 vision, there was too much bullshitting
But, I'm still on my me against the world business
Maybe rap is for me, & if not I guess I'll look into believing superstitions
And if anything is taken in by you folks
I hope it's the fact that this was written with no intention of hitting publish post

Damn, maybe I'm just digging deep into my soul to address these feelings.