Big Brother pt. 2

My big brother, was my mother's first son
My confidant, product of my father's cum
My younger brother's forgotten memory
A lost line of my family's history
I swear I needed you, there are times I needed two
Brothers to bounce ideas off when I feel lost
Even if I still look up to you
Despite you being down-trodden, I still look up to you
I hope you're sitting pretty relaxed and comfortable, with everything recent
I know you shake your head at what I call my demons
She was nothing more than a fling and shit
You trying to tell me that she's something I should keep up with?
Naw it can't be, if so I would regret how I acted
And I wouldn't sit here being spastic
Truth of the matter is, you say if she doesn't call
Then you know what you should call the events that follow
Keep your head tilted high like in that picture you despise
But posted up despite the lack of what you feel every night
I curse her name in spite, but I know you're not ashamed of that
You're just hoping that someday I'll find where my good intentions stashed
Is mom still searching through the past to see if I was raised right?
A tad... I could tell her the answer to that
I'm not built like I'm supposed, I'm quick to lace a ho
With lies then kick them to the curbs
Like I should've before I met them and left them in Ap-uh-rullllll
Them showers you say don't bring Spring's flowers
They're just the realization of how the women I've broke feel every hour
Like I have some sort of unquenchable thirst for power
Sit and smile, flirt for a while tell them the world is OURS
When I really believe it's mine, leave them behind
Take a knife to their heart after I break in their spine
Let me rewind no subliminals
It's more like I make those women cry after we fuck reckless past midnights
How many years has this been like ? Something like six ?
I can't remember anymore... there's too many years I've been here before
With nothing else to explore, you say I'm changing
Need to keep an eager pace and forget whose love I was into more
Like I need to face it
Keep writing on a DAILY Basis, and grab my heart off the floor
Everytime I write it out, my heart spills on pen
And you say everytime you see that happen it feels like you've died over again
Which is a shame, thanks for conversing
I'll be back soon to discuss some other shit... signed your little brother Haze .