Continued

Why am I meeting SO many back stabbers?
Why when I'm about to crash, I go faster?
My past is a disaster, and when your house is see-through
Learn to close your eyes in case the glass shatters
Just sayin', it's ALWAYS a million more pages
When my stupid ass keeps thinking I'm on the last chapter
No tit for tat, I'm not equipped for that
Even if the depression inside is so flagrant
As I get older, I keep getting sick of rap
I want to call it quits, but a nigga couldn't picture that
Harder to stomach when I haven't even started yet
But the closest dreams are always the ones hard to get
Sometimes I think my words fall on deaf alley cats
When everybody really can't relate, all these listeners are aristocrats
My brother looks down on me still, that's the way it's been his whole existence
Only because I've been the one to carry on traditions
That's bad, and I can't front like a nigga had a dad
When he was there, but no disciplines made it seem like shit was go & grab
My mother doesn't love me the same
And it's only because with life begins a new coming of age
Everything is repeated, if not the secrets in a whole other fashion
It's what a nigga believes in
My other brother looks down as well, or rather looks up
I know he sees how much life is tempting from Hell
When women do nothing but carry death between their legs
And the males do nothing but brag about the scars others put on their face
The same thing I used to keep on my shoulder portrayed
Vivid images of what I became every time the mirror writes my nicknames
The girl I once had, isn't who I once had
And to be honest, I'm just as difficult
When I feel lost inside my own physical, and my mental disappears
It's a marvel I can still write with a reserved care
I ain't going nowhere, but next stops are the next flops
Critics in libel, by the way he speaks we already know the shit knocks
But only because the shit's not
If you don't get it, find yourself a way to forget this
I just wish Maria would come back to the street where I'm living
I truly miss her in ways no man should feel when he isn't forgiven
She used to cry my name on the phone when life threw her a curve
Because she fucked with the same men with the childish ways to learn
And I messed with the same women in which I had no returns
No receipts, no time to beef -- they got on white lines, I wasn't their concern
With no more ounces to burn, I can do nothing but hope the black & milds soothe
In relation to the way my lungs yearn
I just wish she'd come back so I could forget all the bitches
And so me and Ivan would talk again due to us having a common interest
I mean, that's his sister -- and Vanessa has ghosted
I just don't want to talk about how we used to run business
How every Thursday greed filled the eyes I helped to build
In the same way, helped to deconstruct and kill
Then have them fight off their own will and go after their rights
When niggas really should've left in the middle of the nights
Sometimes shit JUST ISN'T RIGHT
And I can't see when people come crazy from my color-blind-side
I figure this is MY time, if anything tends to repeat
I put older records on my soul's beat
The place where all the FOLKS meet, I was one of them
And I can't help but remember the handshake and times we were all of kin
That broke down faster
Niggas trying to save it with a product of baking soda & elastic
I had the shit MASTERED, why wouldn't niggas ever give a listen?
Why wouldn't I just move on & give in?
I should've when I remember the times, but in reality
Everything just plays in a constant frequency in my mind
As time continues, the thoughts get more sickening