Boxer

There's some heavy shit on mind I need to try to explain
In twenty years, not one damn thing changed
It's beginning to feel like I'm truly insane
Or I'm sane, and people just aren't the ways they proclaim
Starting to feel like cutting my arms open again is the route to take
Just to see if I'm real, to see if this life is just fake
See, people feel they know everything
When they only see traits skin deep, only see when they want to believe
Well believe you me, I never thought I'd hit a woman
Never though I'd get caught in the heat of the moment
Let me rephrase, I hit a bitch... and if she doesn't believe it
I can recount more than twenty years she's acted like this
Am I wrong for retaliating to physical threats?
And I right for knocking the wind out of her chest?
And then shitting on the same man she made me with?
Only two punches, and they were down like their finances and shit
Like I'm just a dog, and they never tried to throw me a bone
Never believed a word I said, never let me in a happy home
Never took me under their wing, never taught me the ropes
Just expected me to do everything on my lonesome
I can tell you I've grown some, but they wouldn't see it
"Just leave us alone son", I hear those words be repeated
Birthdays were the worst days, I was never acknowledged
And I was always expected to be the precedent, maybe I'm going to college
Maybe my friends never thought I was polished
Maybe that's why they're never to be found when I need someone to politic
Or someone to just listen to my problems and swallow them
Give me some advice and let me digest and re-polish it
Maybe I'm the reason I can't see myself, maybe I'm hollow then...
Then why would I have all of these problems then?
This is just the tip of the iceberg, is that the shit I'm colliding with?
A Titanic in an ocean of disbelief, is that what these niggas are calling it?
Why are all the silly bitches with lips looking like coligen
The ones to climb on my dick, then ease off and never holler when
I want to squeeze their curves like that's what I know I deserve
They were all of African descent anyway, that shit ain't what I prefer
They say you live and you learn, I've taken in too much
I've smoked too much weed, all I've retained is my slang and my slur
I've forgotten better shit than these niggas have written as of late
Where's God when you need him? --
What's the point in religion when they say this is fate?
What's the point in faith when you've never had a bright time?
A moment of clarity, answering million dollar questions with no damn life lines
I'm just looking for the right signs, in truth there's no sign of me stopping
When I'm a fighter with a mean wrong hook, with no other damn options