The Soul Speaks Out

After two cuts, I can't feel the pain anymore
Shit never changes, nothing's real anymore
When I see my eyelids, the demons still ruin decor
My temple isn't even a place to live in anymore
Life has been horrible for a streak of one score
Not a soul listens to this one, what's the point anymore?
The knife has one, so does the beretta
No other comparisons touch it any better, nothing else new to report
I was born of a blissful marriage, something of the sort
Until my father was found out, infidelities on over-seas tours
CDs were shattered, one notably being Illmatic
My mother beaten, and because I watched, I got the brunt of it
Beating a child for the fuck of it
Stop that, I can beat myself up, not a soul loves this one anymore
Some may say it, but they never meant the words
Some may have meant it, but they never put those words to use
I guess my body is just a vessel that I'm willing to lose
I mean the points tally up, life is up by 19, I mean look at the score!
I'm just the most foolish fool, one of these years, when will I win one?
Maybe I should be a flagrant liar, all I've been speaking is truth
Maybe spare feelings, begin drug dealing
Hope I'm ratted out, carried out to maximum security, then dead in the system
I'm already lost, my mind is already a prison
I can't stand to see anyone near me,
All I enjoy is splattered blood on my bathroom fixtures
All I like is feeling not of this life
For all I know, I'm really the Anti-Christ and it hasn't kicked in yet
I feel like my blood is still soaking
I feel like I should've already been done hoping, still living in dreams
Maybe my goals are too broad and they need refocus
I feel like my mind should be found,
I should load my gun and blow this bitch wide open!
Just to make sure it's really not there and I should be searchin'
I feel like I'm dying every minute, find myself beginning to ferment
Maybe I'll grow out of this rut!
I thought I'd stop living in dreams, nevermore a blissful fuck
Maybe I should just read over how she made me feel
Maybe I shouldn't go out and kill every year on the dot
Maybe I should just plot my actions instead of losing my traction
Whenever I'm trying to get in havoc, why can't I just be shot?
Intentionally pray it happens, why can't my heart just stop?
I've been smoking for six years now, why isn't there anything wrong with my lungs?
Why can I overcome anything that I want?
When I NEVER want to, why is this shit so plausible
Why can't I see any of the causes, duke?
Why am I always labeled as the problem, why am I always trying to solve it?
Why am I still trying to speak to Harlem?
Why is Maria half a continent away, I thought she wanted to pick out my coffin
Why are all my friends still sitting at home starving?
Why am I eating max capacity, but still feel famished after starting?
Why do I feel half past retarded?
Why do so many women up and leave, or better yet, leave when I start to marvel?
Why does my circle not exist anymore, but I want them?
Why does everyone but me see that I'm overreacting?
NO! This is 20 years deep of life trying to fatally attract me
You live through me, and you'll see how one can be so unhappy
Why does everyone try to rape me of my feelings, then try to attack me?
Why do I feel like I'm the five-man team with in total ONE worn out athlete?
Why does no one listen when I say, I just want to talk very badly?
When all they do is shrug and walk the other way like they're doing it gladly...